DOITGIRL

Awakening the Divine Feminine.
Un-earthing Feminine Wisdom.
Avalonian.
Priestess.
Goddess.
Flame Keeper.


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Today’s DIG Diary: When Your Path Reappears Beneath Your Feet


fearnothing
Pearl Jam - I Won't Back Down (Gorge '06)Pearl Jam - I Won’t Back Down (Gorge ‘06)
There are so many people on the Facebook page all of the sudden, I wanted it to grow, it’s not that I didn’t want that. But now, it seems all of the sudden, it has and I’m more hesitant, because some of the commentators are negative, I understand that this is a reflection of inward suffering but you know how sensitive I am, I let it get to me anyway. And they don’t know that this just started out as my diary (edited of course, a bit, because some parts of Awakenings are too terrifying to claim publicly, right now, perhaps for the book) and I want to keep it my diary, that’s all I can write these days, I know that. And that’s the moment to pay attention, the minute you feel fear clutch your heart, because it’s most likely totally irrational. And it is. So what if a few people are on it to be negative, I’m backed up writing back to all the love I receive on a daily basis. I have so many wonderful people to THANK that I have to carve out time in my day to do it. I am so so blessed. And it’s not like I want to stop writing DIG. I keep trying to write anything else and it’s not working. Just the light-writing, that’s all I can do right now, it’s my Assignment, because it heals me and what heals me heals those around me. But I have great gratitude & I’ve had so much of it recently, my heart sending love to every stranger I see again, and you know how Gratitude so quickly becomes Abundance, the way Self-Love so quickly becomes Universal love, so much that I can’t believe I wasn’t grateful before or ever, that sort of gratitude. But these are the waves we ride. I feel faith-full again. Everyone loves you. The universe is conspiring to fulfill each and every dream. It’s all green lights.


I had an unfortunate run in with maggots recently, they were in something I picked up and I dropped them with that gasp when you’ve seen something that reeks of death. I couldn’t help but see them working at my body when I’m placed back in mother earth. You know me, I’m morbid, I have a lot of dark goddess in me, I think about death a lot, my chart connects me to the Underworld. I think about death in order to more fully live. Sunday night I went down to the tourist strip and I saw Pandora, my little ten year old friend with long thin legs and that shiny sheet of blond hair, the ancient one, the sage, dance under the lights to Donna Summer, I sat crossed legged on the wooden floor in my silk slip I pretend is a dress, Pandora’s sweet, olive-skinned fourteen year old sister slumped on one side of me and her mother on the other, a woman who is my mirror image in a lot of ways, someone I’m actually letting know me, because she already is me, so I don’t have to explain that much. Im not out much, because the night used to get me into so much trouble. But being out felt really good, there is this whole vibrant world that unfolds when I’m pulling the covers up. As the night went on we watched each dancer steal a moment of immortality in this great mortal play, tick tock, tick tock, and I started thinking about Glory. What it is, when someone has it for a moment. I think about how many moments I’ve been blessed with since I woke up. There was something quite unusual, a beautiful, fit, 60 year old woman who moved slowly in white to a recording of a man talking about a piece of music he wrote about death, it played in the background, sometimes you could hear angels sing, but mostly you could hear a pin drop as we watched this woman move to a musing on death. It was great art because it made the audience uncomfortable and if it’s making you uncomfortable you have to ask WHY and then you are blessed with great information about yourself. I appreciate the kind of person who is not here to make you COMFORTABLE, she is hear to wake you up. “She’s not doing something I recognize. She’s not making me ‘happy.’ She’s MAKING me FEEL SOMETHING.” She was bringing her fear out into the light and watching it dissolve. We were honored guests. At one point she became a Sorceress, so divinely connected to source, her body became, as my teacher would say, “A prayerstick for the world.” My friend nudged me, “what did you think about her?” she asked, I could tell she dug it by the look in her eyes. “You could tell she’s a survivor,” I said. “Only survivors have that kind of courage.” My friend nodded. This woman had walked through it, and now she was on the other side. You can tell someone who is on the Other Side of life, she’s walked through her Great Fire. She knew Glory, she had more than tasted it, it had embraced her and she had become it, she was Glorious. And when I had a moment of fear and dullness this morning and I could see Pandora dancing, the once premature baby who came into this world at two pounds and fought to stay. Pandora had walked through her fire as a new born, she is on the other side. And I watched her dance in her green and black sequined costume under the flood of lights and I hear that Great Gatsby line, “All I kept thinking about, over and over, was ‘You can’t live forever; you can’t live forever.” And I think about Wayne Dyer, saying, “You have an endless stream of green lights before you.” It’s true. I know this, I woke up knowing it today. I had wanted to stay in that Sunday night, to eat too much to sleep too early, but there is something about this child that always teaches me. She’s the one person I worry about not liking me, I cannot imagine what that would feel like if she saw something she didnt like in me, I am as authentic as possible around her because that would be like Wisdom & Beauty herself dismissing me. Something about Pandora just says “Dance instead,” that most suffering is pointless. Somethign about her long ago came to terms with the fact this life would be both beautiful and tragic, and she wouldn’t fight that. You can’t change life. Life changes you. She wouldn’t fight it, she’d dance instead. My favorite moments are when someone realizes they have just had ENOUGH, and they finally walk away or through and then, like a river running through their whole body, they can feel their REAL LIFE BEGINNING, their life truly in their own hands once more, their Path reappears beneath their feet. My favorite moments are when someone realizes they aren’t afraid of something they once were, that they’re free. My two exes on this Island drive trucks, most men do here. Every truck that passed me on the road I used to worry was them. The more I worried, the more I saw them, and my heart would fall through that trap door in my stomach. If you look for it, you will find it. Seek Fear, you’ll find Fear. Seek Love, you’ll find Love. Anyway this morning I realized that I was no longer looking at the trucks, I was just letting them pass right on by. Somewhere along the way I stepped out of those shackles and barely noticed, I’ve just been too busy doing the things I love and the things I must. Fall is coming, it’s the full moon of the seasons. Soon the leaves become the colors of love and gold, before they gracefully let go (watch nature to learn how to live and how to die), and the light becomes softer, the air gets sweeter, you can wear shorts, but also a sweater, you can swim in the ocean, but also make a fire, it’s a time of great balance. Soon the seeds you have planted will be harvested. Soon, the time of reaping is at hand. Can you feel it in the wind? Can you see your dreams coming true? Can you steal every moment of immortality you can in this never-ending play? Can you be glorious?
 
 
glo·ry [glawr-ee, glohr-ee] 
noun, plural glo·ries,


resplendent beauty or magnificence: “the glory of autumn.”


a state of great splendor, magnificence, or prosperity.

DO IT FOR YOURSELF. BREAK OUT OF YOUR COCOON AND FLY FOR YOURSELF. NOT FOR YOUR EX, SO THAT HE/SHE WILL SEE YOUR COLORS AND “COME BACK.” YOUR PATHS SPLIT FOR A REASON. NOT FOR THAT NEW CRUSH, SO THEY MIGHT “SEE YOU” AND POSSIBLY SAVE YOU. NOTHING OUTSIDE YOURSELF CAN SAVE YOU. NOT FOR FAMILY, SO THAT THEY WILL FINALLY UNDERSTAND OR LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU HAD ALWAYS WISHED, LET THEM BE. LOVE THEM AS THEY ARE. NOT FOR ANYONE, STRANGERS OR FRIENDS, TEACHERS OR LOVERS. NO ONE ELSE’S APPROVAL CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. NOT FOR TOMORROW, EITHER. NO ONE IS PROMISED A TOMORROW. WAITING FOR A BETTER DAY IS AN OLD PARADIGM TRAP. NO, YOU HAVE TO WANT TO LIVE FREE AND BREAK OPEN AND LIVE AND LOVE YOUR LIFE FULLY FOR YOURSELF ONLY, AND YOU HAVE TO DO IT TODAY. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY IT TRULY WORKS. THIS IS HOW WE WILL EACH BE LIBERATED. MAKE THE CHOICE. PROMISE YOURSELF. IT WAS NEVER ABOUT HIM, HER, THEM, WHOMEVER. YOU COME IN ALONE AND YOU GO OUT ALONE, THIS IS A HERO’S JOURNEY. YOU HAVE TO REALLY WANT TO DO IT FOR YOU, NO ONE ELSE. YOU HAVE TO WALK THROUGH YOUR FEAR, THROUGH THE CAVES, ALONE. NO ONE CAN DO IT FOR YOU. I CAN CALL OUT TO YOU TO KEEP GOING BUT IN YOUR HEART YOU HAVE TO KNOW YOU ARE YOUR ONLY SAVIOR. YOU HAVE TO SAVE AND LIBERATE YOURSELF, FREE YOUR SOUL FROM LIFETIMES OF PAIN. IT’S ALL UP TO YOU. THIS IS ALL UP TO YOU. IT HAS TO BE FOR YOU, FOR YOU, FOR YOU. YOU ARE GOD, YOU ARE INFINITE. KNOW THIS. THEN YOU WILL FLY, ALL ON YOUR OWN. IT WAS NEVER ABOUT ANYONE ELSE. IT IS ABOUT SAVING YOURSELF TO SAVE THE WORLD. THIS IS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT YOU & YOU ONLY. SAVE YOURSELF, SAVE YOURSELF, SAVE YOURSELF. DONT KNOW HOW? GET STILL & GO INSIDE. ASK FOR THE WAY TO BE SHOWN. GO INSIDE, INSIDE, INSIDE. IT IS THERE YOU WILL MEET YOUR GUIDES AND THE WAY WILL BE SHOWN. BREAK FREE. BE TRIUMPHANT. MAKE THE ANGELS WEEP WITH RELIEF AND JOY. YOUR SUFFERING MAKES THEM SUFFER. YOUR JOY BRINGS THEM JOY. MAKE THE MOVE TOWARD SELF-LOVE & YOU WILL FREE YOUR SOUL AND BE RECEIVED INTO HEAVEN ON EARTH. YOU ARE THE UNIVERSE. IT IS ALL INSIDE YOU. YOU WERE BORN WITH EVERYTHING YOU NEED. THERE IS NOTHING OUTSIDE OF YOU TO SEEK. YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED, AND YOU ALWAYS WILL. SAVE YOURSELF TO SAVE THE WORLD. IF YOU WANT TO SAVE THIS PLANET, YOU HAVE GOT TO SAVE YOURSELF FIRST.

More About Lightworkers

LIGHTWORK & LIGHTBEING 

About Lightworkers? 

Lightworkers all have the Highest Good as their hearts intent. All would define themselves as spiritually aware and spiritually open. We encompass many levels of awareness and proficiency in working with energy and light.


The clearer a person is, the more light they can access. Most lightworkers are on a path of spiritual growth and evolution. Some are taking a holiday. Some are not awake yet, and some are in denial. 


Generally, we seek clarity, self empowerment and higher states of consciousness, in all it’s forms. We accept that healing and growth needs to take place on all levels - spiritual, emotional, mental and physical - in a balanced and harmonious way. 

We mostly all want to be the best, most aware, most conscious we can be. We acknowledge that what any one of us does or thinks affects us all, and that a single conscious, aware creator is far more effective that a million sleeping ones! We would like us all to wake up please!

We generally acknowledge and work with:

The Law of One - that what affects one affects all. We are one of Many, and many of One.

The Law of Attraction - that like attracts like - that you get and become what you think about and focus on, and you get more of what you are preoccupied with. What you resist persists and where your focus goes, grows.

and more and more we are coming to understand that by using

The Law of Conscious Creation - we can affect everything by learning to hold the appropriate feeling, vibration, attitude, though-field. We are here to experience being creators. We are here to expand ourselves to learn to master this ability in a 3 dimensional, apparently solid, matter filled “reality”.

All lightworkers have conscious access [or are developing it, or wanting to] to light and energy, whether in meditation, healing or other deep states. Some lightworkers are predominantly people “healers”, some are “planetary healers” [directed life force, by its very nature, heals] some work in the grids of personal, planetary, or galactic consciousness. Some work interdimensionally. Some are connected to dolphin or whale energies. Many do all of the above, and all work with universal consciousness [God Consciousness] & Source energy [life force energy] at some level. Some have past life recall. Some are enlightened. All are on the path to Self realisation and God Realisation. We are at many different levels of vibration and consciousness. The higher your vibration, the more awareness you have.

We acknowledge, and many experience, that there are interdimensional, multidimensional and galactic beings of light, that offer their assistance and love to us here at this time. Many of us communicate with and work with these beings and consciousnesses. There is much interest in this Shift, and in Earth’s progress in this undertaking, any many help us to hold the light and facilitate the process. What happens here effects the whole galaxy, indeed the whole universe, at this time. We are raising the playing field. 
We become more aware as we evolve that we ourselves are indeed multi-dimensional beings of light and many aspects, and that our conscious experience is only the tip of our being.

We accept that we are vibrational beings - we are energy - we are consciousness in form. The veils are getting thinner all the time, and more and more of us are peeping through them - from both sides! 

via [http://www.expandingrealities.net/]

You aren’t dreaming and you aren’t going crazy. You are a Light Being waking up along with many, many others, to an ascended level of consciousness. You are healing yourself to heal the world. Everything is changing. The only steady ground is inside your self, home, where you have birthed and are healing your soul. Stay grounded in love as we continue to ascend. There will be many more bumps and waves but as usual, you are watched, loved, and carried. ♥

Today’s DIG Diary: You Don’t Have to Go Down with the Ship

Bleed to Love Her - Fleetwood Mac

Bleed to Love Her - Fleetwood Mac

Laurie Cabot. 
Friday, August 10: Wear Orange. Say what you want. Ask for a new job.

Saturday, August 11: Wear White. People are weird today. Watch your back. 

Sunday, August 12: Wear Gold. A day of goodness. Breathe a sigh of relief.

DOITGIRL. I really mean it when I say you don’t have to go down with the ship. The old way was for the woman to suffer and stay behind with the burning house or the sinking ship — emotionally, I mean. All that matters is you get out with your soul intact. To martyr herself, to suffer and cry in the ruins and the ash was the old way, but you really don’t have to do that in the destruction anymore, that’s Choice too. You don’t have to martyr yourself and you don’t have to PROVE anything to anyone. You are not here to SACRIFICE YOURSELF for others, you are here to SAVE YOURSELF for others. Don’t worry what it looks like, you walking away from the sinking ship— What others think of you or something you experienced is NONE of your business. You don’t have to wait and move through your old cycles of suffering to move on from something you know in your heart was wrong, a mistake, a lesson, a bridge. You don’t have to wait until it’s COMPLETELY DESTROYED before leaving, either, you know in YOUR HEART when it’s time. You really can just let it go. My little cousin asked me by the water yesterday, “So you’re fine, really?” when we were talking about a rupture that happened in my life recently. “Yes,” I shrugged contentedly. “I don’t go down with the ship anymore,” I said. “Me neither,” she said, “I just can’t fall apart like that anymore, I don’t have the time.” Cheers to that. When a situation no longer serves us we are obligated to move to higher ground, we are obligated to change it. You really can just say “I release you, please release me,” and move forward. Healing really can happen over night. There is no certain amount of time that one MUST SUFFER, when as we know by now, joy is our natural state. Do absolutely everything in your POWER to return to your NATURAL STATE. Stay wild.

"If you let it go, it will let you go." [Amrit Desai] 

I can feel now the instant fear casts its dark shadow over my heart and I say, “Oh, it’s a fear test.” So I walk through it. When I am signaled that there is a test, I rise and walk through it. I turn toward the loving, brave decision and I walk that way. “Don’t move the way fear makes you move, move the way love makes you move.” Osho. 

There is a new sense we have to keep everything clean, cleaner than ever. Our houses, our bodies, our thoughts, all our energy. Cleanse and let go as much as possible to work from a clean, safe and healthy foundation. Old dark energy can’t accrue this way, constantly clear it, like being in a constant state of Letting Go. This is a struggle for me as a naturally disorganized being, but I’m told it’s highly important right now.

This morning in the woods I felt all the natural energy from the grass and plants and trees today, the energy in the wind and the light that fell through the trees. This is Prana, natural life force, that is in everything. To go deep into nature and to be totally surrounded by it is a rush. For the time when I don’t have access to my beach I’m heading into the woods, and I always walk out renewed. Why do people feel so good after time in nature, say after a day at the beach, why is the end of a day at the beach a better feeling than anything money can buy? Because youve received all the negative ions from the salt water, youve been healed and cleaned. Because youve soaked up all the Vitamin D and your spirit has been re-charged and revived. Because you’ve rolled around on the earth all day, moved your body in its natural elements, laid among its tiny grounding rocks of sand and swam in its natural healing waters, and when we return to our natural state we are Scrubbed Clean, Re-Awakened and Re-invigorated. The sun’s rays can clean off the negative energy, so does the salt and sand. Any re-turn to the earth is a good return. Any release is good release. Self- forgiveness and Mother Earth, the two great transformers. If you can’t roll around in mother nature today drop into child’s pose. Go deep back into the womb. Forgive yourself, over, and over, and over again. Incubate like this with just your own soul, nothing else, in the dark. Then rise and bloom into the light, see how much further you can glow and grow after taking this crucial clearing and healing time for yourself.

THIS QUOTE: “As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”
- Henry David Thoreau

ties to THIS QUOTE: “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing - that’s why we recommend it daily.” - Zig Ziglar

What are you working to heal now? Open your closet, what’s your biggest scariest boogey man? How are you healing it? Mine is my fear that my mother never loved me, therefore I am not worthy of love. That she saw something unlovable deep within my soul that she was afraid of, and she didn’t accept me or claim me. So this is what I am healing, this is the fear-based lie I am working to shed light on. So this is what I have to tell myself EVERYDAY as a Creature of Habit who has seen the benefits of Practice. So everyday I remind myself what I know in my heart to be true, my mother T
RULY DID LOVE ME TO THE BEST OF HER ABILITY and is with me, always, still nurturing me, still supporting me, we are one. All Loved, Forgiven, Whole, Healed and Forever. THIS is what my heart knows.Everyday we work to make this mental path, just like Thoreau said. This is the Love Path we are Carving. Like trees, we must look at the ROOT of the issue, always, to deeply heal and not just place a temporary bandaid that can be blown away by the slightest gust of wind. No, we have to heal from deep within. We go way back to the root issue, always.

Healing takes practice. Healing is an endless journey, we are always learning new ways to love and new ways to heal. Step by step, it’s the journey. Go gentle with yourself.



WORDS
The Journey 

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice —
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do —
determined to save
the only life you could save.  
- Mary Oliver 

Today’s DIG Diary: Who’s Left By Your Side?

 
Laurie Cabot. Thursday, August 9: Wear Green. Love your home, decorate. Bring comfort.
Devotchka - All the sand in the sea
Devotchka - All the sand in the sea


DOITGIRL. I know I haven’t been consistent with these letters, but that seems more authentic to how a journal really is, to write when I’m inspired (in-spirited) or these days simply when I have the time! And when I’m not inspired myself, when I’m even feeling a bit nostalgic for the days of electrifying kundalini clarity, I find myself inspired by other women transforming in front of my eyes and I’m reminded this change is VERY real. 


This is why I have always loved makeover movies so much: you see the heroine walk in one door as her old self and come out another one as her new self. This is why I loved the woman escaping to nature movies so much, Baby Boom, Practical Magic, women throwing themselves into the wild to see what they’re made of. Somewhere I knew this was possible, I think that’s why I was so drawn to transformation movies, I knew mine was coming, some day. I’m always writing these sorts of movies in my head, and actually living them on the physical plane- well, since my last shipwreck when I had to choose a new life for myself. I chose the woman goes to the country and finds herself life. I chose the makeover movie.

Last night I talked on a radio show panel for this lovely woman named Heidi who runs a show called the Unsung Goddess. I was tired and sleepy, up past my bedtime and not sure if I had anything interesting to say. I’m still amazed people want to hear my story. But then I read other women who are doing this, who are, as I said to one, opening their dark closets and letting their skeletons dance out into the light, and one by one ours each follow, our skeletons can follow each other out of the closet like they’re in a merengue line. And I see why it’s so fascinating to go through everyone else’s junk too. Because it’s like: HEY, HERE IS THIS THING THAT ALMOST KILLED ME BUT IT DIDNT. It’s like hanging the head of the lion that almost killed you on the wall of your lodge— if I had any understanding or empathy for hunting. But it’s conquering your demons, hanging them up in your living room and inviting everyone to see. Picnicing in the places of your defeat with the demons themselves, thanking the lesson and calling it a truce. Cheersing to love. It’s erasing fear. Think about it, a life without fear is a life of endless possibilty, joy, and love. Fear actually isnt real, it’s a disease. And this is how we kill the beast, by shedding light on it — sharing it with others. Kind of like a clothing swap- oh I have that shirt too— or “I have that trauma too.” It’s so healing to see another who has survived what you have. So I sleepily stumbled a little bit through my answers last night, but I was truly honored to be part of it. The other women were so clear and illuminating and strong. “You know how we say ‘it’s all good?’” Christine asked. “Well what if it really was- ALL GOOD? Because it is!” she said, with total joy streaking through her voice. We get to do it again next week- there’s nothing I love more than a second chance. 


The days have been smooth like honey since the Full Moon. I talk so much on the DOITGIRL Facebook I forget to tell you things in letters-all this insight rushes to the surface so I just write it out as fast as I can, and the healer was right, I am a vessel for ritual, ritual is what comes to me most often. But I wanted to tell you now is a really prime time for energy baths, anyway to clear out the old energy and thank it for each experience and each lesson, to ask for clarity healing and protection in this next cycle. This next smoother cycle. Sage, incense, candles. You can jump in the ocean, take a salt bath, or stand in front of a bowl of water and peel the old energy off your limbs, your self, move it toward the water and flush the water down the drain. Or dance it off or clean it off in the shower- Just clear it on out. A dear woman wrote me about her mental health exercises, clearing out all the old debris, and I know her, she lives in this beautiful house and once again I was struck by the ideas of our minds as houses, it’s time to house clean. “You’re cleaning house,” I said. This is your temple. You control what is in absolutely every room of the temple. Dust it on out. “Rexamine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul,” says Whitman. It’s time to dismiss whatevr doesn’t belong to the New You. It’s time to stay in the warm room of love and not wander back into those dark ones, the ones you used to drown in, the ones in which you can only end up sobbing on the floor, calling him again, offering your neck on the chopping block again, like a lamb to slaughter. It’s not sacrifice yourself for the good of others, it’s SAVE yourself for the good of others. 

I have been noticing much more manifestation energy in the air. I am seeing things right before my eyes that I dreamed of months ago. I truly feel that with July we ended a big Kali cycle, and now that our brushfires are over we are re-building our lives as our new selves, and many pieces of the puzzle are falling into place. It’s when the smoke clears after the war on the battlefield. Who’s left by your side? What’s left? As the Hopi’s would ask, “Who is in the water with you?”


I remember when I started hearing people speaking aloud their New Thoughts. I drove to the dentist in February on a snowy day in Virginia and my dentist had his tools in my mouth and he started to talk about pain, just the physical kind, and he was talking about how afraid his patients were of it, and then he stopped, “you know, people are so afraid of pain, any kind,” he said. Then he took the tool out of my mouth and he said, “They’re so afraid of feeling… anything.” I watched him process this and I just nodded before he continued. I think a lot of people thought they were going crazy as we started to ascend. Somehow there’s a normalcy about it- whatever that is to others- “something more, BIGGER,” I’ll say, now. People notice a true cycle of destruction for creation taking place. We are a highly adapatable species, and I do believe we can and will adapt to a civilazation based on love, not fear. The other thing that Christine said last night that struck me was “fear is the belief that we are ever separate from God.” I remember reading that at Kripalu last year, this time exactly last year, sitting by the window in the cafe over looking the courtyard. It was around the time someone told me God was the ocean and we were all drops in the water, I mean I really was starting to feel A PART OF IT ALL, and it was thrilling. But I’d fled to Kripalu because it was the only place that made sense for me to go, my awakening was so total and abrupt, the only person I could really talk to about it was my aunt Amy, otherwise I was sure I’d get committed somewhere. Meanwhile, if anything, I should have been committed the year before, when I was downing a bottle of wine every night on a handful of xanax. I remember I was all packed up for Kripalu and I was going and I didnt know how long I would be gone for. So we were standing in the driveway and she looked at me like she saw, not a ghost, but an angel. “You look like a completely different person,” said a woman who had gazed upon my face her whole life. “I know,” I said, my voice shaking, “it’s scary.” Because I really really did. My hair- which had started to fall out after Tim left, had fluffed out to a totally new texture soft and cloudlike, and it grew longer rapidly, and my skin had began to glow, my body became sinewy and strong. All I can say is I didn’t recognize myself, like an ethereal spirit had possessed me. You know how they say “He sold his soul to the Devil,” well I felt I’d sold mine to the angels. “You’re going to be ok,” Amy said as we lingered in the driveway. And then I started to cry - the way I did when I was first waking up, huge, full body, dam breaking heaving sobs. I mean, I was feeling things for the first time in YEARS. I was sobbing out lifetimes of pain. “I’ll be ok,” I choked. And then I said, much to both of our amazement: “I’m doing God’s work.” We were both taken aback my the words that came out of my mouth and I certainly did not know they were coming. I didn’t form them in my brain first. And she just held me, because it was all so very new and strange, for a previously depressed, pill addicted rock journalist to be talking about being God’s hand and rushing off to a spiritual center- to live. 

Five hours later I got to that red barn a mile down the road from Kripalu and Gracie and I just sat there on the steps and I closed my eyes. I was so afraid. I had really “dropped out” of society and had no plan, knew no one there, I just knew I had had what I thought was an Awakening, and like having a child, birthing and raising a new soul takes everything you have. You have to learn how to feed it, nourish it, grow it. And you can never go back to “how things were” before you discovered your soul. I was sitting on the porch, leaning against the glass doors, and just like the time I felt myself, trance-like, write “lightworker” on my arm, before knowing what that word was or what was happening, I opened my eyes on that porch to see I had written “God is Here” in the dust on the glass of the door of this rented cabin. A beautiful blond yogini in Omaha asked me how I believed this stuff, that I’m a goddess, that Spirit is real, that we’re all ancient. Those messages, I’d say. All of last year, really, is why. 

I was walking Gracie in the woods this morning and I had one of my flashbacks, a flash of an image that I was in the forest surrounded by wild animals, kneeling by a wolf, and while I welcomed the flashback I also thought, “it doesnt really matter NOW that I was once a goddess in another life or several. All that matters is I am a goddess in this life, and what will I do with it?” Not to dismiss the realm or my discovery of it, but to make the most of it now, is what I want to know. 
'Teach ritual to heal the earth,' said a healer I asked last week, that was the answer she got from Spirit, that to her was my calling. In that cabin in the Berkshires, I remember thinking this spiritual life was going to be so lonely, because at first it was so, so, so, lonely, but that atleast I wasn't so alone in a room full of people anymore. But REALLY it isn't lonely and it doesn't have to be, I've attracted a lot of people like me, strong women with big things happening inside of them. We dont have to, nor are we meant to, do this alone. There is of course the cocoon time, before your grow your wings. And the cocoon is dark and isolated for a reason, you have to find your own light and your own self before you re-join the world.

Have you had your chart done? Do you know your ancient “story”? I’ve told you mine a million times now but I’m asking you because if you get your chart done, and that story, that samskara, or the scars that you’re repeating, calls out to you. If it does, that’s blessed information. It’s good to know what you’re healing. It’s good to know the dragon you’re slaying or the curse you’re reversing on your great heroic journey. If I was writing a fable for all of us I would say we all live in a land that Once Upon a Time, during the Fall of the Goddess, was cursed with a dark spell. It was then that we fell under the illusion we were all separate from ourselves and nature, we would fall under the illusion that love was outside of ourselves and something we had to seek and earn. There is only one way to reverse the curse, and that is for each one of ourselves to discover and love ourselves. When we love ourselves, we love our neighbor. When we heal ourselves, we heal our neighbor. Rise up against the darkness that fell over the land. Reverse the curse and let love rule. “I heal myself to heal the world.”

In’ Lakesh (I Am Another You) <3

Today’s DIG Diary: You’re Fine Too


 
DOITGIRL. I’m fine, so don’t worry. You’re fine, too. So don’t worry either. Worry didn’t ever get us anywhere. Stillness, nature, soul-feedings, beautiful patient and grateful pauses until we are re- sourced with proactive and love-filled action, that gets us somewhere. Worry is fear pretending to be of use. I write about that pain to get it out, otherwise it festers like tumors we hide inside, by putting my insides on the outsides I let the light rush over the dark, shadows never stood a chance against the light. So THIS IS WHAT IT IS, I say. And I Look At It. And when I look at it it’s not looming under my bed or in my closet like a boogeyman. I take it out and I see it and I say, this is really not so bad. I can do this. In fact, if this obstacle is lying in my path right now, like Joanne of Arc said, “I was born to do this.” Yes there are obstacles and challenges, and it is for me easy to feel shame when they are the same repeated problems, the ones that don;’t go away until you have learned and healed the lesson. When I am sourced I just let Mother Gaia take it away. I just dig my bare feet deeply into the earth and say “Thank You Thank You,” I know she is the great transformer, the great alchemist of dark to light pain to love. Sometimes we lose our connection to Source, and that is nothign to be afraid of, that is just More Information. The path is never far away. We are not being punished. We are not here to suffer. We are only here to come home and to walk each other home. But we have to accept our reality before we can change it. I write so you don’t think your pain is weird, terrifying or going to win. Take your pain out into the Light. Free Yourself to Free Your Sisters. Please don’t be worried, as some of you have written, about this last bump in the Love Road. I’m not. I only wrote to tell you about it. My heart is not broken, I’m not in shambles, hardly. It’s other things that I’m faced with now, as we all are. It’s not love I am worried about, for I am made of Love and there is no shortage. I just became aware of the old patterns, that’s what I was addressing. I was addressing that I returned to that house in Venice in some form, I returned to that tomb of love and picked and prodded at a corpse. That’s somethign I do. I’m aware— I ALSO choose to focus on the one person who doesnt love me, when I have so so so much abundance of love. I turn my back to a world of love to chase one dying star. I fall into the black that way, I lose my way home a bit, chasing after that one star with ego and clutching, when a sea of stars is calling out with Love behind me. [Stop chasing. Turn around and come home to Love.] More on that later, I’m headed to see a Healer. Healers need Healing too, don’t forget. I’m not worried, the internal brushfire is just raging. I’m clearing out for new and better. Always always always let nature take its course. I know that when everything is working on the inside everything works on the outside. I know our mind creates our world. I’m just seeing now, as clearly as I can, the reflections of the insides on the outside. I am not quite yet sure of my worth. This is a hard thing to say but I am taking it out of the closet and I am looking at it. When I don’t love myself in my entirety, I will not be loved, and I cannot love fully. I see that I’m in a tiny room with no A/C in the heat of summer, far from my ocean I loved to walk to every morning. I see that I’m still broke, while I promised myself I would start saying yes to making money. Do I not deserve to be comfortable, well taken care of? When I write, write, write for free, the resentment builds. I’m starving (not literally— but for more, way more for myself and that I am only starting to truly realize) but I’m only putting out and I am not putting in. So stuff has to change. And I’ve been given an opportunity for change, like a break in the waves during the storm. Take it. Take the opportunity to Change. We are so tight and closed off not to change, but we are in the shake up now.  It’s easier if you allow it. Rise to it. This is your Great Moment. This struggle is your trigger it is time to rise and change. It is always my root chakra, that safety and foundation chakra, that cries out for me. My sense of home, belonging, and safety. Nothing can build and stretch safely to the sky without a foundation. I no longer wish to float about like a wind-blown weed. I wish to be a tree, rooted, pumping out love for ever more. That’s all I need. And that is what I shall have. 



Many Blessings, 

Love, 

DIG 

Today’s DIG Diary: I LIKE A WOMAN WITH SOUL

 
 WHISPERS. 
Laurie Cabot Magic Whisper.  Thursday, July 12: Wear Black. Draw in all the majick you can. Light a green candle.
DOITGIRL Whisper. PEACE IS SEXY 
SONG. "I Wont’ Give Up" Jason Mraz
Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up [Official Music Video]Jason Mraz - I Won’t Give Up [Official Music Video] 
DOITGIRL. The sexiest thing happened to me the other day. I was driving in traffic on this Island which, let me tell you summer traffic is a true test of patience and inner calm. This is the work, that the storm bellows on the outside, but peace hums tranquilly on the inside. All is always well. I will always have enough. [I closed my eyes recently and my inner self leaped excitedly that I had come home, if only for a minute. Like a loyal loving anahata dog waiting for me everytime I choose to Come Home, it embraced me wholly and it said “Hey, before you go again, cuz I know youre so restless recently—you never stay here long enogh— but I wanted to tell you— YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE ENOUGH. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE TAKEN CARE OF. ALWAYS ALWAYS.”] Whatever lays before me is uniquely-tailored challenge served up just for me on my personal path. If it’s front of me, it’s for a reason, I have attracted it, created it, played a role. The only way around is through. so anyway. driving down island here mid-summer means near-miss accidents, yelling, honking, snaking along at a snail’s pace. I usually just let people in in front of me, i go totally zen, crank up the music, breathe and release. it’s the only way for me. Im not an aggressive defensive driver. im not an aggressive, defensive person, unless my ego is at work. 

GET TO THE SEXY PART, I know. 

So I let this guy cut in front of me, and what does he do, he sails up right to my driver window, and he looks, like deeply into my eyes, and that’s ok because he had these big brown suck-you-in eyes, he was an all around beaming, awake, beautiful person with a head of rich brown curls, and then, and then and then and then, he gives me this lingering, intentional PEACE SIGN. I melted. I threw one up in return, and we smiled a knowing smile at each other, and my soul said, “Thank You Brother,” and he nodded at me, then he was off in front of me. I blushed like we’d shared a peaceful kiss in calamtious public. This is a new earth interaction, this is an Aquarian Age interaction. I am done with COOL. YOU CAN HAVE YOUR COOL. Our COOL, NOT CARING, AMBIVALENT , OVER IT, ITS SOMEONE ELSES PROBLEM ITS NOT MY FAULT, THE WORLD SUCKS.. UGH… all of that got us into this neglectful, ignorant, massively sick society, sleepwalking mess. CARE. then care some more. THEN KEEP CARING. Pay attention. See outside your chosen suffering, see outside the illusion, wake up and care. Everyone needs help so do you. Helping others IS helping yourself. Your joy my joy your pain my pain. Is it dated? The Peace Sign? That’s our too cool affected attitude talking. Who cares. PEACE. The sexiest sign in the world. Pass it on, keep flashing it at people until their heart melts then they’re flashing it at everyone else. For the sweet men who read this, lemme tell you it is SO HOT. A man who is not afraid of Love. of showing it or receiving it. Please take your “too cool,” your bored, your aloof, your “over it,” your closed heart and sell it somewhere else. [SELL YOUR CLEVERNESS BUY BEWILDERMENT: RUMI] This is why the Divine Feminine is waking up in men. This is why women and men are balancing their masculine and feminine energies. COMPASSION and KINDNESS IS SO SEXY. 

I’m a lot how I am in traffic how I am on the airplane when we’re de-boarding. Unless i have some insane 4-minute connection, I stand there and wait until everyone gets off, I don’t see the need to bulldoze everyone- including the elderly and children- to get off a plane four minutes faster. I was waiting as everyone frantically de-planed in Omaha, when a man in an expensive, beautifully-cut suit and BEAUTIFUL shoes stopped where I was. I always notice shoes:) They were gorgeous, not the kind that would blend in at a bowling alley. Italian head-turners. He had a real eye for beauty. He sees that Im just standing there, chilling, waiting, and he paused, stopping he people behind him, with a cool, laid-back manner. 
"Can I help you find your bags?" he asked in a southern drawl {the stewardess, in her frantic hurry, had thrown ours into different overheads}. 
"Sure," I smiled.
"Lemme guess which ones they are," and he laughed, as he — correctly— pulled down my leather fringe bag then one of my Aunt Lisa’s, black with golden stars and moons all over it. 
He looked me in the eyes again as he passed my bags to me and said “I like a woman with soul.” Then he smiled big, and let me in front of him, and everyone moved along. We smiled as he left the airport, that was all it was. This was his peaceful offering to another human. He didn’t have to “look like a hippie” to be full of love in his heart. He didnt play it cool, he played it caring, and it worked. It was major, major mojo. These are definitely the two sexiest interactions I’ve had in the last two weeks. He, men like him, dont think it’s “too late to change.” They dont just sit back and crank up the ac and pop open the beer and turn on the TV and say “the planets fucked what can i do about it. anyway it’s blank blank and blanks fault.” IF I HEAR THIS ONE MORE TIME……I still cant believe, looking back, I was in a “relationship” that didnt SEEK THE HIGHEST and WANT THE BEST. I live cranked up to 11. Im on full blast. I did the in-betweens for years. Im not seeking anything resembling an average life or anyone else’s life for that matter. I dont “know” my path. Im creating it with each step. LEANING INTO IT. TAKING THAT FIRST STEP MAKING THAT FIRST MOVE. Creation. And I’m grateful for these men with their open hearts and their peaceful gestures- I’m so psyched to know they are out there. They seem so at peace with themselves. They pass it on. 

It’s not crazy to want to save the world, it’s CRAZY TO NOT TO. Show Your Passion. Let Your Freak Flag fly until everyone’s is, and then the minority are those CRAZY PEOPLE WHO DONT CARE. I think people are crazy when they dont care about this life and everyone and everything in it. THATS INSANE. Dont give up. Fight to heal yourself so you can heal the world. Open up and let your channel flow. You have a sacred river of love and light in you, coursing constantly. We choose to block it when we HOLD ON. This is your Prana, your Divine Life, that everyone and everything is made of. You were only meant to rise and you were only meant to flow. Let Life TAKE OVER. let it give you your ultimate, highest experience. It wants to REALLY TAKE YOU PLACES. Your ego is so scared of change. Your ego is so scared of your light. Your ego is so scared of your freedom. Yet these are your natural states—You are love, you are light, you are Free. This is all your choice. ANYTHING else is an illusion. Come back home to the present, the only place where you will find your life.
 
 
Peace and Love, 
 
DIG
 
WORDS.
"Really get in touch with what you believe. Your belief in something is the magic spark needed to make it real. You can believe things won’t work out and they won’t. You can believe that abundance is your birthright and you will be proved correct. Identify the beliefs that you have that are holding you back and day by day replace them with beliefs that push your forward. Over time, having faith and taking action on your belief will bring around the life you have believed in. The key is to have the faith that your belief is growing and to clear out all the weeds that prevent it’s growth. Keep the faith, your Heart never lies." _ JACKSON KIDDARD 
"Today I affirm that there is nothing in me but love. This love comes from total acceptance of myself and the understanding that I am a perfectly imperfect human being. I will walk through today and allow myself to fully express my perfection. I realize that all my "faults" are actually the Universe’s unique way of expressing itself through me. I let go of self judgment and any projected judgments of others that I have chosen to believe and finally allow myself to just be what I truly am: infinite. As this is true for me, so it is true for all other beings on the planet. I will choose to accept everyone in my life with the same radical acceptance I have for myself knowing that we are all perfectly imperfect human beings simply doing the best we can." - JACKSON KIDDARD

"This is when the magic happens: right when you feel like everything is going wrong, shift your attitude to accept that it’s actually going right. Our judgments of how we think our life should be are preventing us from reaching our Highest Potential. If you’re going through a storm, hold the belief that it’s the perfect storm for you to be going through and that you’ve been given everything you need to weather the storm. When the chaos subsides you will experience the Truth that is forever true; you are always taken care of, exactly where you need to be and your efforts are rewarded exactly when they need to be. Remember this Truth the next time a storm is on the horizon and you will grow wings and be able fly right over it and towards the calm waters of Trust and Love."  -JACKSON KIDDARD 
 
STARS. 

STARCANA COSMIC DIRT. Suzi Cavallo Dronzek. 
With the Moon in earthy Taurus, we should notice our sensitivities slowing down considerably. We are less excitable, and not as moved. There’s also a serious tone to our mood, as we ground and become more aware of what is real, and what isn’t. Work, home, and family are our main concerns under the Taurus Moon, and sometimes it’s in that order. We won’t mind working ourselves to the bone today, as we’re romanced by pleasurable benefits as Luna generously trines dreamy Neptune and sexy Pluto. By nightfall, logic begins to knock on our door, which causes us worry about our day as Luna squares Mercury. As Uranus and Mercury both get ready to station retrograde, expect funkiness with communications, vehicles, appliances, computers, phones, mechanical products, and technology. Time to Back up/Repair. Read my personal song interpretation from The Black Crowe’s, with relation to the major arcana tarot card ‘Temperance’ on the MelissaTarot blog. 
"It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business"  Mahatma Gandhi. 
Intuitive insight: Adapt to your weaknesses, to learn from them.

Today’s DIG DIARY: You Have No Idea

WHISPERS
Laurie Cabot Magic Whisper. Wednesday, July 11: Wear Brown. Ground yourself. Buy a comforter, or a new pillow.
DOITGIRL Whisper. You have no idea. 
Song. “All This and Heaven Too” Florence and the Machine 

Florence And The Machine-All This And Heaven Too Good QualityFlorence And The Machine-All This And Heaven Too 

DOITGIRL. A friend texted me early that he needed to talk, and could I swing by. I wanted to say, “I’m not the right person to be asking for advice right now,” because right before we texted I had been sitting up in bed thinking about everything I wanted to improve upon in my life- there’s lots. But I’ve been hearing, “help each other, please help each other,” when I get still. And he needed a friend today, not tomorrow. So I went and I sat and I listened to him, and I gave him the best advice I could, that came from my heart, and I went about my day in peace, like I’ve surrendered to these recent waves, I have let go and I am floating. A horoscope said I’m being held in one place to be carefully whittled by God. It feels like that, like I’ve been Cosmically Grounded, like I’m on timeout, “sit there until you’ve learned your lesson.” That moon last week, that blood red moon, woke up my Ego, and I failed a few tests, I believed some big illusions and I played into some old drama. I was fighting, not loving. I keep wanting to stop sending these newsletters, because it’s one thing if people go to the blog or FB of their own free will to read the entries, it’s another when I blast my murky heart into your Inbox. And then when someone unsubscribes, I’m like, “dang, my bad mood ruined their day,” and I feel bad for a moment. But I have to keep channeling my journey as authentically as I can. For now I’ll keep sending them, knowing those who want to can totally unsubscribe, and those who stay on are meant to. For me, right now, I am doing my best— As long as I am grateful. As long as I am seekng in and not out. As long as I am choosing from Love. As Long as I am honest as possible. There is one thing that’s come to me recently I wanted to share. It’s how much I’ve witnessed myself writing my own doom, when I worry or anticipate an event, how I try to find the worst possible outcome— this old paradigm behavior, as if it somehow could protect us to imagine the worst scenario— that’s insane. it only creates it and attracts it. So anyway, when I am worried over an outcome or a reaction, and my mind is gnawing on something as it does when an assumption gets trapped in there. But I let it go, instantly, with this: “I have absolutely no idea how that is going to turn out,” I say. The first time I said it a light came on and it felt like a layer in the atmosphere popped. Suddenly possibility flooded back into my world. The lens opened back up, I could see in panoramic view again. And I’ve been saying it ever since when a shadow of doom crosses my heart, I say, “I have absolutely no idea how that is going to turn out. It’s insanity to think I could.” And then the situation really can go any which way. And I’m not wasting my time with my monkey mind devising insane scenarios to attack my nervous system. I put my ego to bed. I get back in the present. Life becomes a true adventure again. My small self goes back to sleep, my Higher Self awakens. Then I walk into the experience open and present and breathing, I don’t walk into it having already written and edited the scene. I don’t walk in with negative energy and attract only more of it. Neutral charge. Open to possibility.  I let the Universe take over completely. Hands out palms up, I am both giving and receiving when I let go. To receive is to Trust, I Trust that what I am given is Right for Me. I let go of the outcome. I let go pretending I could ever imagine the true outcome. And letting go for me is the best way to shift my consciousness, and let the Divine wisdom in. “Let it write itself,” I used to say to myself when I was bulldozing someone in a conversation to get to my presumed conclusion as fast as possible, when I was trying to tell someone how to feel or how to react.”Let it write itself” I should have told myself all those times I talked a man into not loving me because I was too afraid to get hurt. Stop writing the victim story, stop writing the catastrophe story. Let it write itself- it will Right itself if you let it.. Allow it. Get out of the way for the experience. Let go of any need to know what is next, stay here in the present with what is Now. That’s all there really is. To be anywhere else in your mind is to be lost in the Maya, the Illusion. The only Truth is in Presence. That’s where you will find all your answers, all your peace, all your Love. 
 
WORDS
 
"As mythologies drifted further and further away from the original religious view of the Great Goddess, the dualism that has come to dominate so much of Western thinking grew stronger and stronger. Life was seen primarily as a struggle between the forces of good and the forces of evil, rather than a dynamic dance of all things working together for the good. Life on earth became less important than the life to come. Everything associated with this life— earth, the body, sex, woman— became suspect if not outright evil. The folk saying that “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” sums it up quite well: Earthiness is to be rejected as a religious concept; it is dirty and impure. Woman is to be rejected as a spiritual leader who reflects the image of the divine Feminine. She is dirty and impure.” 

Laurie Cabot and the Cabot Kent Hermetic Temple
 
 
 
"Matrifocal societies may indeed have had the characteristics of a Golden Age simply because the primary bonding was between children and mothers. As psychiatrist Eric Fromm has pointed out, children must win their fathers love, usually by obedience and conformity. A mother’s love is unconditional, which is goodwill. Cultures based on mother love and reinforced by religious rites centering aroundthe Mother Goddess would have been peaceful, easygoing, life-nurturting societies based on trust. The sacredness of all life would have been stressed, and violent, destructive behavior discouraged. Humanistic values arising from the natural playfulness of mother and child would have cemented social relations rather than obedience to an authoritarian figure.” 

Laurie Cabot and the Cabot Kent Hermetic Temple
 
 
 

Today’s DIG Diary: Lucky, Blessed, Fortunate You




Whispers
laurie cabot magic whisper. Tuesday, July 10: Wear Copper. Loving emotions may make you think of sex. Be careful.
doitgirl whisper. it’s simpler and easier than you think. 
song.  ”Get Out the Map” Indigo Girls 
Get out the MapGet out the Map 


DOITGIRL. 
Since I woke up Ive worried A LOT less, some days NONE. Those are bliss. Today is bliss. I was such a worry wart in my old life and it started early, a boyfriend in eighth grade once told me as we were breaking up, “you’re such a wonderful girl. but you kinda ruin it with how much you worry.” And all I did after that of course, was worry I worried too much. Now that I’m more awake— there’s still much more work to do— I know the only thing we can control, the only way to really enter the portal of life, is the present moment. I lean into the present moment. But sometimes I can still hear my ego saying “What? You’re just gonna let this go by??” It says, “Worry about that thing, and worry about this thing while you’re at it!” Or, “Get Angry! Be ANNOYED. DWELL ON IT, don’t you feel the need to dwell and punish yourself or the other person?” No. I don’t. I’m getting to the point where I can recognize Ego better and dismiss it, or, as one of my favorite spiritual teachers, James Monahan, says, ” When that happens, when it pops up, I say to my ego, ‘oh that’s funny.’ Or, ‘you again?’” Either way he always laughs it off, a great big Buddha belly laugh at that.
When the ego starts [for me it’s stuff like, “you’ll always be poor, you’re never going to figure out intimate, earthly love, you might not ever have a baby, if you do she won’t love you your mother didn’t love you, you can’t really write for shit, you’re not smart, you’ll never be able to afford a house, blank doesn’t like you, you’re unlovable., you’re a phony, and Even though you have these moments of power and grace you will always end up somehow being the victim. You will always be stuck in your own patterns when it matters the most.” WHATEVER… these are mine. Theyre all bullshit. SO ARE YOURS. I hear My Ego, and I say, “You Again. Run along now.” I think it’s good to call out your fears - drag them from the shadows into the light- and recognize them so that when they appear you can spot the lie, the illusion, the ego at work. I dismiss them much faster because I’ve looked at them in the light, I’ve met them and know they are an illusion. I can recognize the voice of fear. Sometiems too late, but that’s all the journey. So I’m mentally dropping these fears- and yours if you’d like— all off a cliff right now and having them scatter in the wind because I KNOW— this voice does not come from love. And Love is the only voice to ever follow. [ “Don’t move the way fear makes you move. Move the way love makes you move. Move the way joy makes you move.” Osho.] It’s a step for me, and the step is not being afraid of my fears. Asking myself what they truly are. There is no enemy, it’s just Me and Me, like my Teacher once said. That outside illusion? It’s all just You and You.
And thank Goddess for Meredith Murphy a wonderfully gifted energy reader/lightworker, who put into words what I was feeling this morning. She said, “A beneficial gaze at yourself right now is gentle attentiveness and encouraging love. Don’t fall into old patterns of having “tried to shift these things before and here they are again.” Stay in the present moment, empowered, wise and clear as to who you want to be and revise reality accordingly.” YES, because I have been VERY aware of old behavior patterns floating past me, trying to attach again. I have heard myself gossip and I have heard myself complain. I am AWARE.And she gifted us with this zen saying “The moment we place our oar in the water we are already at the other side.” It’s already happening. That’s what choosing to make the right choice for yourself does. You become it. You crystalline into your next phase, Kianna says.
He told me he was unavailable for love. That he was not here to fall in love. I took him at his word. But after that declaration, well then I didn’t know what to do with him. Cuz Im here for one thing, and that’s Love. (“Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question. I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart? ” Don Juan) What’s the point, I kept asking myself. If the point isn’t love, I can’t do it. Why would I knowingly walk down a bridge to nowhere? I have taken far too many Dead Ends and Roads to Nowhere. Why now, with Awareness, would I follow any road that didnt lead to love? I dont have time for any other ones, nor do I have the desire. I wouldnt want you to go down a road that didnt lead to love, nor me, nor him. It’s all good, really, and I’ve learned break ups don’t always have to be “bad,” I don’t have to wallow in them, in fact I dare say this one was good. And he is most certainly not the enemy, just a teacher, and a friend. I always knew I liked him, and I still do. Not everything has to be a catastrophe, nor does it have to be good or bad. Today, grounded in non-duality, I feel it just was and is. It is all just The Experience. I can see it however I choose.
Eckhart says, “You don’t have a life. You are life.” Yes, we ARE life and life— life definitely, definitely just aches, desires, wants to, and naturally does GO ON. My healing periods have quickened. The lessons process faster. We go on. I said something in that class in Omaha, when everyone was in cat cow on their matt, I said this is my favorite part of the pheonix cycle, on our knees but writhing, where were rising out of the mud and ash from our last destruction, and we’re full of powerful lessons from the fire. We’re rising again- we’re gaining power and strength, we’re finding our wings again. “Look out world,” I said in this newfound spiritual teacher voice I’m finding, “this is the part where we know, we are all-powerful with the wisdom and the knowledge from our last lessons,  and we know that, having survived that last fire, that we are Truly Indestructible. We know that Nothing,” I said, “can stop us now.” A lithe, poetic girl with long raven hair came up to me after and told me, “when you said that, I actully felt wings sprouting from my back.” 
I spent the night by the ocean at my friend’s house, I was fortunate enough to wake up this morning and swim in the bay. Whenever I’m in salt water I ask it to cleanse me and heal me. And as I walking out of the calm healing salt waters I had a vision, that I’ve done this often in ancient times, bathed in cool clear shallow waters and risen out of them, like the Lady of the Lake, Viviane. I love her name so much because Viviane, in this translation I’m reading, means “She Who Lives.” Boom, when I read that. “That’s my daughter’s name,” I decided. “She Who Lives.” Because it’s not the walking on water that’s the miracle, it’s not the transcending of the experience, Thich Nat Hahn reminds us, it’s being in the experience, it’s living this earthly life. He says, “The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive.” It’s this moment, in all its mess and glory, disappointment and triumph, in all its dark and light, it’s this exact moment he was talking about. The one you have, right now, in the palm of your hand. This one right here. Lucky, blessed, fortunate you. “She WHo Lives.” And isn’t that always the highest compliment, when someone has passed.
"What was she like?" 
"She Really Lived." 

WORDS

SEVEN SUGGESTIONS TO TRANSCEND SELF IMPORTANCE. 

  

 

Here are seven suggestions to help you transcend ingrained ideas of self-importance. All of these are designed to help prevent you from falsely identifying with the self-important ego. 

 

by Wayne Dyer  

1. Stop being offended.

The behavior of others isn’t a reason to be immobilized. That which offends you only weakens you. If you’re looking for occasions to be offended, you’ll find them at every turn. This is your ego at work convincing you that the world shouldn’t be the way it is. But you can become an appreciator of life and match up with the universal Spirit of Creation. You can’t reach the power of intention by being offended. By all means, act to eradicate the horrors of the world, which emanate from massive ego identification, but stay in peace. As A Course in Miracles reminds us: Peace is of God, you who are part of God are not at home except in his peace. Being is of God, you who are part of God are not at home except in his peace. Being offended creates the same destructive energy that offended you in the first place and leads to attack, counterattack, and war. 

2. Let go of your need to win.

Ego loves to divide us up into winners and losers. The pursuit of winning is a surefire means to avoid conscious contact with intention. Why? Because ultimately, winning is impossible all of the time. Someone out there will be faster, luckier, younger, stronger, and smarter-and back you’ll go to feeling worthless and insignificant. 

You’re not your winnings or your victories. You may enjoy competing, and have fun in a world where winning is everything, but you don’t have to be there in your thoughts. There are no losers in a world where we all share the same energy source. All you can say on a given day is that you performed at a certain level in comparison to the levels of others on that day. But today is another day, with other competitors and new circumstances to consider. You’re still the infinite presence in a body that’s another day (or decade) older. Let go of needing to win by not agreeing that the opposite of winning is losing. That’s ego’s fear. If your body isn’t performing in a winning fashion on this day, it simply doesn’t matter when you aren’t identifying exclusively with your ego. Be the observer, noticing and enjoying it all without needing to win a trophy. Be at peace, and match up with the energy of intention. And ironically, although you’ll hardly notice it, more of those victories will show up in your life as you pursue them less. 

3. Let go of your need to be right.

Ego is the source of a lot of conflict and dissension because it pushes you in the direction of making other people wrong. When you’re hostile, you’ve disconnected from the power of intention. The creative Spirit is kind, loving, and receptive; and free of anger, resentment, or bitterness. Letting go of your need to be right in your discussions and relationships is like saying to ego, I’m not a slave to you. I want to embrace kindness, and I reject your need to be right. In fact, I’m going to offer this person a chance to feel better by saying that she’s right, and thank her for pointing me in the direction of truth. 

When you let go of the need to be right, you’re able to strengthen your connection to the power of intention. But keep in mind that ego is a determined combatant. I’ve seen people end otherwise beautiful relationships by sticking to their need to be right. I urge you to let go of this ego-driven need to be right by stopping yourself in the middle of an argument and asking yourself, Do I want to be right or be happy? When you choose the happy, loving, spiritual mood, your connection to intention is strengthened. These moments ultimately expand your new connection to the power of intention. The universal Source will begin to collaborate with you in creating the life you were intended to live. 

4. Let go of your need to be superior.

True nobility isn’t about being better than someone else. It’s about being better than you used to be. Stay focused on your growth, with a constant awareness that no one on this planet is any better than anyone else. We all emanate from the same creative life force. We all have a mission to realize our intended essence; all that we need to fulfill our destiny is available to us. None of this is possible when you see yourself as superior to others. It’s an old saw, but nonetheless true: we are all equal in the eyes of God. Let go of your need to feel superior by seeing the unfolding of God in everyone. Don’t assess others on the basis of their appearance, achievements, possessions, and other indices of ego. When you project feelings of superiority that’s what you get back, leading to resentments and ultimately hostile feelings. These feelings become the vehicle that takes you farther away from intention. A Course in Miracles addresses this need to be special and superior: Special ness always makes comparisons. It is established by a lack seen in another, and maintained by searching for, and keeping clear in sight, all lacks it can perceive. 

5. Let go of your need to have more.

The mantra of ego is more. It’s never satisfied. No matter how much you achieve or acquire, your ego will insist that it isn’t enough. You’ll find yourself in a perpetual state of striving, and eliminate the possibility of ever arriving. Yet in reality you’ve already arrived, and how you choose to use this present moment of your life is your choice. Ironically, when you stop needing more, more of what you desire seems to arrive in your life. Since you’re detached from the need for it, you find it easier to pass it along to others, because you realize how little you need in order to be satisfied and at peace. 

The universal Source is content with itself, constantly expanding and creating new life, never trying to hold on to its creations for its own selfish means. It creates and lets go. As you let go of ego’s need to have more, you unify with that Source. You create, attract to yourself, and let it go, never demanding that more come your way. As an appreciator of all that shows up, you learn the powerful lesson St.Francis of Assisi taught:”…it is in giving that we receive.” By allowing abundance to flow to and through you, you match up with your Source and guarantee that this energy will continue to flow. 

6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements.

This may be a difficult concept if you think you are your achievements. God writes all the music, God sings all the songs, God builds all the buildings, God is the source of all your achievements. I can hear your ego loudly protesting. Nevertheless, stay tuned to this idea. All emanates from Source! You and that Source are one! You’re not this body and its accomplishments. You are the observer. Notice it all; and be grateful for the abilities you’ve accumulated. But give all the credit to the power of intention, which brought you into existence and which you’re a materialized part of. The less you need to take credit for your achievements and the more connected you stay to the seven faces of intention, the more you’re free to achieve, and the more will show up for you. It’s when you attach yourself to those achievements and believe that you alone are doing all of those things that you leave the peace and the gratitude of your Source. 

7. Let go of your reputation.

Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others. Therefore, you have no control over it at all. If you speak to 30 people, you will have 30 reputations. Connecting to intention means listening to your heart and conducting yourself based on what your inner voice tells you is your purpose here. If you’re overly concerned with how you’re going to be perceived by everyone, then you’ve disconnected yourself from intention and allowed the opinions of others to guide you. This is your ego at work. It’s an illusion that stands between you and the power of intention. There’s nothing you can’t do, unless you disconnect from the power source and become convinced that your purpose is to prove to others how masterful and superior you are and spend your energy attempting to win a giant reputation among other egos. Do what you do because your inner voice always connected to and grateful to your Source-so directs you. Stay on purpose, detach from outcome, and take responsibility for what does reside in you: your character. Leave your reputation for others to debate; it has nothing to do with you. Or as a book title says: What You Think of Me Is None of My Business!


 
STARS

"We can hear our true calling in the far distance as Luna continues to push her way through pioneering Aries. We know what we need to do, and it seems much easier to take the necessary steps as well. The impatient Aries Moon has us ready to jump into the fire, just to prove how bad we need this. As Moon sextiles sweet Venus this morning, then trines convincing Mercury, we may decide that sooner is better. Make life  happen."

"What you think of yourself is much more important than what others think of you".  Seneca

 

Today’s DIG Diary: We Were Born to Say Yes



DOITGIRL

chronicling one girl’s awakening. #kundalini, #reiki #magic #self love #transformations #yoga #lightwork #enlightenment #starseed #shamanism #goddess #tantra #mysticism #shakti #diana #divine feminine

STAY IN TOUCH
 
 
 


 Ziggy Marley Beach in Hawaii (lyrics)Ziggy Marley Beach in Hawaii (lyrics)
 WHISPERS


laurie cabot magic whisper. Friday, June 15: Wear Orange. A day of common Sense, good for business. Carry a stone.
doitgirl whisper. it’s a good day to be alive, it’s the only day to be alive.
song. ”beach in hawaii,” ziggy marley 


DOITGIRL. Here’s the good news and here’s the bad news, all at once- that vibrations are contagious. My father caught my low vibration yesterday morning, I called him before my coffee, before I’d felt the sun on my skin, before I remembered this is all just one big experience and experiment and we can choose how we see it how we see it and live it every second. “What it is” is ours for the discerning, always. My vibe was low, disconnected from my heart. And by the end of the call he was low, I knew I’d lowered his vibration for him. And that’s not cool. Be responsible for your vibe. Protect your high vibration, and when it’s low, take a pause and don’t send it out. My girlfriend almost sent her fiance a shitty text when she was stressed yesterday, then she stopped and sent him love instead of fear. Her whole day changed, his probably did too. It could have gone either way. She was presented with Choice. She chose Love. That Holy Pause. Stop and drop in. Let Love take the wheel. It’s so easy: Love is Always the Right Choice.
 
This morning on the phone with my best friend I caught her sunny sweet vibe, a minute into our convo I was cackling loud on the porch in the sun in my pjs. Everyone is contagious. The experience I saw yesterday was through a dirty dark lense, but I saw the same life today through a clean open lense, and I felt deeply blessed and grateful again. Prison or Paradise. Your Choice. Still don’t grasp vibrations? It’s ok. Think of music, which can lift or lower you. The vibration of the music affects your core. If something doesn’t match your love or raise it, move on, change the channel—- “I align myself with people who support my growth. If you meet someone whose soul is not aligned with yours, send them love and move along.” - Dr. Wayne Dyer 
 
I remember when “responsibility” was a dirty word to me. Nope. Quite the opposite. We create every situation. This situation I am in, I created every detail. Eckhart says whatever it is, accept it, then act as if you had chosen it- because you Have. Responsibility means you are in control of this journey of yours, this life of yours, this year of yours, this month of yours, this day of yours, this moment of yours. Inhale Love Exhale Fear. You have choice at every moment. The path is splitting at every moment, which way will go? The Love Road is the High Road, the High Road is always Love. This is a game: here is an obstacle, a challange, and yet another one. This is the experiment, how will you respond and how will you proceed? The path of love or fear, positivity or negativity? Old limiting destructive behaviors or the New True You? Choice, choice, blessed choice. When we get sick, stagnant, dark, we disconnect from our center and we forget our Love and Power. But you always come back home and you Remember, You are Love And You are Free.  


Our changes and our challenges are the lab. This is when the work happens, when we’re being worked on. You wake up different after a hard spell. I do, at least. You start to see the effects of your work— like this whole not caring what people think thing I’ve been practicing, that I can tell the Universe wants me to work so hard on becuase I am GONNA NEED IT, and Geez, it’s actually working and I am speaking my truth despite the reaction or outcome. The people that leave me are meant to leave me. I remain.  
 
Vibrations begin in the thoughts. Every single thought is radiated out and creates a ripple. Sometimes we need help at first, we can get so low we think we don’t matter, we give up on ourselves. I know this I’ve lived it and I will live it again. I’ll keep offering you my tips as they come: but if you need help today, practice thinking like everyone can read your thoughts. [Energetically, they can]. I say to do it this way because we aren’t programmed to love ourselves and be kind to ourselves. But if we think someone is watchign— we’ll most likely do it. Practice thinking like the angels are monitoring your thoughts (they are). Remember that every thought is a creation. Empty your head of all but love, and walk knowing your thoughts are transparent. Sometimes I do this, remember that every single thought is monitored, and will attract the like, to keep myself in check and keep my head healthy. Maybe it will help you. I know how energy works, how like attracts like. When I am calm (even in chaos, especially in chaos) I attract calm energy. When I am fearful, calamity ensues. Even when others try to get me worked up and worried- especially then- I still stay calm. When I am full of love, I attract more love.  
 
There is white light joy piercing through the Universe today. We are turning the corner, moving ever closer to home. I accept the new changes and I hear my father’s soft voice in my head: “Ready for Another Adventure?” he asks, and I say “Yes,” which is the only answer, Yes.  
 
Do I cling to the shore or do I let the river take me? I let the river take me. Am I ready for another adventure? I was born for adventure. “I am not afraid, I was born to do this,” said Joan of Arc. We were born to say Yes. And I have a new hat like something out of Casablanca, or Kate Hudson’s in Almost Famous when she just buys that one-way ticket to Morocco and Just Walks on the Plane- I don’t feel that wanderlust right now, there is so much adventrue and shifting and opening in my own soul where I sit and stand- and Gracie is healed, and I am moving to an address I haven’t told a single soul so I could be anywhere, working my magic, and I will write in the garden there and bike down to the harbor in my hat and my bare legs. The sky is blue, I have breath in my lungs, a healthy functioning body and hope and love and excitement in my heart. This, all this, means I am deeply, deeply blessed. I am ready for the adventure, and that’s a good thing, because it’s happening NO MATTER WHAT. 
 
Everyone is in transit, looking for homes, losing lovers… remember Rumi’s wisdom, “Someone fills the cup in front of us.” So act, take a step even though you can’t see, Make A Move, the Universe will respond. Keep it moving. Take a step, you wont sink, the lily pads appear and we will keep moving across the water… 


Love to You on Your Adventure, 
DIG



WORDS

 

"Lift your head up. You have every right to be here, every right to feel your best and ask for what you deserve. You are made of the Stars and Love. You are a seed of the Universe and a child of God, you are watched over by the Goddess and loved greatly by your Ancestors. Your Love and Devotion delights the Angels. Know that every moment is yours. Rise and Be, Divine One." ♥ DOITGIRL. 

  

"It’s a good day to be alive, it’s the ONLY day to be alive. It’s the best day of your life, it’s the ONLY day of your life. It’s the first day of your life, it’s the LAST day of your life. LIVE!! " ♥ DOITGIRL

  

"This life, this wonderful life, is on your side. This universe, this wonderful universe, is in your corner, supporting all of life. This God, this wonderful God, places Divine wisdom and power in your hands. Trust that. Use it. And let it give you strength. Right now." NEALE DONALD WALSCH



STARS


The cosmic skies are gentle and open with love, as Luna creates a blessed trine with empowered Pluto, while kindly forming a sextile with wounded healer Chiron rx and attentive Mercury. The practical Taurus Moon encourages us to be steady, but patient. Appreciate what you own, build onto it, and more importantly, protect it. 
"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished". Lao Tzu. 
Daily Tarot: Ace of Wands, Queen of Pentacles: New benefits are received.


I’m Angry and That’s A Good Thing.

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” Maya Angelou

I’m Angry Today.

And that’s a good thing.

On the beach this morning I remembered my journey [in this lifetime]. Recall your journey. Start at the beginning. Gather in and remember. Where were you born. What were your major passages, your turning points in the road. Dani Shapiro calls them your “tacking points,” like a ship crossing the ocean, turning about, changing course. Your losses, your triumphs. How did you get HERE. My story is powerful, your story is powerful. These are powerful stories we are writing. Then later in the morning in yoga, my teacher mentioned Shiva while in Goddess Pose and I thought about relationships, I felt how in the New Earth our masculine energies are rising to meet our feminine, curling and snaking around each other like the rising Kundalini snake. Union. Balancing. Men are writing me, their Feminine is Awakening. What to do they ask. Allow, I say. My masculine energy, I suppress it sometimes, then I find myself in only long flowing dresses lounging around like an impotent Cleopatra, an imbalance of the feminine, I lounge around and receive too much, I lose my Do-er, I become needy. I go into dream-land. But when I balance, when I balance I am so powerful, maybe too powerful- no, no such thing, that’s a warning from the old days- to fear a powerful woman— that’s the stuff of witch hunts. And so I drive to the store from yoga, I call a friend, I leave a message, but I’m driving slow, and a leering man in a big black truck is staring down at me from his overly-souped up loud & roaring machine, and yells “GET OFF THE PHONE BABY.” And I nearly, nearly, slam on the brakes and jump out of my car like some wild amazonian monkey. Because that’s how my body’s stariting to feel, like I could swing through trees in the jungle. But I don’t— I yell THANK YOU so loud I hope it hurts his ears, and visions of Thelma and Louise in their jeans and cowboy hats and dust-streaked faces with their shot guns pointed at the blubbering face of the trucker who harrassed them endlessly as they drove for freedom [from an abusive husband and an army of male cops after them for shooting a rapist in self-defense] arise. I am so close to that some days, so close to absolute madness about the imbalance and supression in the world, so I find my way of blanketing it, but then I sleep too long. [That’s always been my problem, the sad girl in my heart who wants to sleep forever. Don’t sleep I tell her- your body, soon enough, will be blanketed by the earth forever. So don’t sleep. Throw off the blankets. Always always always dear, throw off the blankets and rise.] But that man still leers at me in his rearview mirror, and here is an example of a masculine imbalance, I think, that he sees a woman, looks down at her, and thinks he can yell and tell her what to do. And even worse— he thinks he can call her “Baby.” 20 minutes later I am in another parking lot, a man is staring at me. This is normal. I am wild-looking, but more people were looking at me like I was strange today than usual. [This brings up another subject, the way people start to look at you when you wake up with curiosity and fear, but for another time. You look different, you just do]. I brace myself for a man to say something else, I look him directly in the eye, but  it turns out he just likes my shirt. It says “Everyone is A Star.” 

"You are!" I tell him, relieved. "Everyone Is." He laughs joyfully. I release a bit of anger toward the old paradigm [I stop letting the men who have hurt me and taken advantage swim in my head, but I also am thinking of the children dying in Libya and Syria and the women being raped in Rwanda- see- my ANGER] I unclench my frustration with the patriarchal eye-for-an-eye society for a moment. Then I make my way home but when I try to turn off into the dirt road an old man has blocked the entrance to  check his mail, leaving the tail of my car in the street. A Shiva day for sure, my teacher called him in. On Shiva days, Lessons of men abound. I wait. I wait with a smile on my face and my car half in the road and only love for him, I watch his sweet slow foggy movements. He feels it. He turns and jumps, "Oh I’m so sorry," he says, and scurries his aging body to the car to move it. "Please don’t worry," I say, "that’s ok."  Do I shout out in fear or anger, or do I wait with love and calm him down. I wait. I think of the grizzly over-testoteroned man, and what he would have done. Laid on the horn, barked at the old man. I would never think to shout at him or call him a name. That raging instinct must die. That raging instinct no longer serves. I am the Divine Feminine. I allow with love. Everythign is choice. When we begin to wake we begin to "choose love." Soon, like all things with practice, we just become Love, as it is our natural state. We return to Love and then we Live in it.

I think about relationships in the new paradigm, I have been thinking about them for a while since I met a man who interests me— I have to say, it takes a lot to interest me- because of my masculine energy, I can do it all myself. I dont “need” men. In the old ways I sought men to fill the holes in me, I talked about this the other day with a friend - Adele’s song “Someone Like You” [“Nevermind/ I’ll find someone like You”] has it all wrong, she’s creating a vicious cycle of need and loss for herself and will always feel empty that way— seek the things you needed and wanted in him, in yourself. Foster them. My fiance had the confidence and the powerful pen. The man I dated after that had the connection to Gaia. I have those now, I don’t seek anyone to fill any holes in my soul, I will fill them myself, I balance myself. This is where want vs. need comes in. I want, not need his company. And yes let’s talk about everyone who is breaking up and splitting up right now. I know you see it everywhere. It’s not your fault, you’re shifting. There is no longer just femme or masc energy in one body- that’s how it was in the old paradigm, mostly, and this created the duality and separation and confusion. “I am Man, You are Woman.” No longer. Duality will not heal the earth. The illusion of separation is the source of all problems. We really are all one. Because my masculine energy has risen and is balancing, the way I “needed” men no longer exists inside of me. I look to men as equals. Because they were given outside anatomy and mine is inside, doesn’t make them, at all, more powerful or capable than me. Make no mistake that the old Sarah would have apologized to the leering yelling man in the parking lot and slunk away. The new one was beyond ready to go head to head, and wanted to make him pee in his pants- while he apologized.

I’m writing fast because I want to go to the beach- but I also wanted to say this, for some reason: I don’t have boyfriends. I’m not a girlfriend. That creates old behavior  patterns for me. Sad and needy ones, twisted mind-game behaviors. This is my choice, although I came to it through experimentation. I tried, in the new pardaigm, to treat a man as I did in the old paradigm. NONE OF THE OLD WAYS work. I’ve learned this again and again in the last year. So no, I don’t long for their calls and their texts and their dates anymore, I live in the spaces, live fully in the spaces, in between our time together. I am not hungry for a ring— nor do I want one. Amazing, coming from a girl, who when her fiance left her, she wanted to die for a whole year. But to me a wedding is a future goal, and I don’t live like that. I have to live in the now, it’s the only way. Focus on the future and the present is gone, then things start to fall apart. I also don’t have any interest in a goverment-sanctioned ceremony. I don’t want to spend the money I don’t have to celebrate Love, nor do I want anyone else to spend theirs on our love, I don’t want to be congratulated for it. And I dont need to call anyone “my husband.” I think a partner during this shift needs to be SO open to your change, because we are all transforming so rapidly. That space needs to be held and witnessed- for both parties. Freedom. Does this sound un-romantic? Trust me it’s not. I am still kissed in the street and wined and dined. I’m told I’m beautiful and my hand is held. All of the stuff that can be taken for granted, I relish in. The Divine is in the Details. My father once told me, when my fiance and I were fighting for the millionth time, that he wished my mother and he could have “simply enjoyed each other,” and that he wished the same for us. Tim and I were too far gone at the point, but I think this is the key to Love. “I am here to love, and to be myself. Can you accept the terms? You are here to love, and to be yourself, I also accept those terms.” The fact that I don’t let myself fall apart for a man in the spaces in between, or lose my mind about the unknown makes for pleasant surprises when I see the man I respect. I don’t write the script anymore in my head and freak out when he doesn’t follow it line by line. That’s not fair or safe- or any fun. I let it write [and right] itself. I don’t have boyfriends, I have lovers. This means I have someone who when I see him, I show care and love and let him be himself. This means he does the same for me. I also write knowing he could be gone tomorrow. In the old way it was: “I don’t want to lose you,” while clinging on so tight and in fear. In the new way it is: “I know, someday, I will lose you [for life is change and all must pass] so I love you whole-heartedly in the now.” 

Old ways, old ways, old ways, take your last breaths. Hello Divine Feminine, do your work in every heart. I will continue to be your vessel. Namaste, New Earth. Aloha, men who are waking up to the Divine Feminine, mother yourselves, love yourselves, we can all do this together. I am you and you are me.

STILL I RISE, Maya Angelou

"You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.”

Maya Angelou

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