3.19.12 MAGIC WHISPERS.
Laurie Cabot. Monday, March 19: Wear Lavender. Point your wand north, ask for balance in your life, take care of an animal.
DOITGIRL whisper. ‘Ignore those that make you fearful and sad, that degrade you back towards disease and death.’ RUMI
Song of the Day. “Solsbury Hill,” Peter Gabriel
Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill (Original Cut)
”I could not believe the information, I just had to trust imagination. Grab Your Things, I’ve come to take you home.” Peter Gabriel
I can’t look at my old journals anymore. They are filled with so much sadness, pain, and darkness it hurts to read them. For the most part, I tried to hide so much of that sadness all those years so that I would be bearable to be around, but if you knew me intimately, you knew I was constantly in battle, and mostly losing. Last Friday’s newsletter broke the tone I’ve had in these, it turned more didactic about yogic spiritual life- but that’s not what I’m doing here, it doesn’t serve me or you if I fumble around in areas I’m still discovering myself. You can find the illuminated knowledge of Christina Sell, Elena Brower, etc, online for that sort of information. What I’m doing here, with DOITGIRL, is continuing to crack myself open and allow myself the most authentic, honest, purest, fullest life after what I filled 30 years of journals with: pain and suffering. Just this morning I flipped through an old diary and I saw how much I truly owe it to her, to my old self. She was asking again and again, “will I ever be ok? Will anyone ever love me? Will I ever even like myself? Who am I? Am I going to die alone and scared?” So that’s what I’m doing, I’m answering her. I’m doing this for her, me, and you. DOITGIRL started out because some mornings- most mornings- I couldn’t even put both feet on the floor. You can DOITGIRL, Rise up, I would say to myself.
Again, I REALLY want to say that if I can turn my life around and become the woman of my wildest dreams- I know you can too.
What I have discovered about myself since waking up is an inner mystic with reaches far more powerful than I ever had any idea. While I love yoga, and am going to start training to become a teacher in a week and a half, what I truly am is a mystic. I never had any example of this, there isn’t someone I’m modeling myself off, I’m looking at the woman in my heart for inspiration. I grew up in preppy town in Virginia, I went to college at a preppy college down the road. My first job was at Rolling Stone, which launched a career of me writing about other people performing their own unique and powerful brand of magic. That felt, though, almost more painful, to be so close to magic all the time, but not be able to find or express my own. I feared I would die without ever knowing my own magic.
My ex, a lead musician and a powerful orator in his own right, used to say it felt like I was trapped under glass. That’s how it felt to him, because he deeply loved me and it pained him. I felt that way too. Like I had been frozen under the ice, and everyone else was skating and playing up on the pond. How did they know how to be happy? The only solace was my love knew how I felt, but neither of us had the magic key to break me out of my case. When I was sad, he would bring me movies I loved that I had watched with my mother— movies about women who transformed their lives, movies I had watched over and over again. They pained me also, for both me and my mother- who I feel was on the brink of her transormation right before her untimely death of cancer at 45. We would watch Baby Boom, Private Benjamin, Ruthless People. 80’s movies with big cheesy soundtracks and big powerful transformations for their heroines. I’d also watch Practical Magic a lot. Growing up I devoured Alice Hoffman’s magical, mystical books, and this movie adaptation I loved. Two magical women- one blond one dark- living by the sea in a magical house, healing the women of the small seaside town. I have probably watched it 500 times. Glimpses of me, tiny glimpses, then back to the dark and angry sea of my life, that sea would eventually drown me.
These days, when I close my eyes and seek more knowledge about this spirit within me, the visions are electrifyingly vivid. I am on a terrain similar to the Scottish highlands, I am at one with nature, animals, and the Divine. My hair is long black and tangled, I am wearing a white dress that whips in the wind. The skies are purple, the wind is rising around me, the sea is rising below me, there are hawks in the sky, an owl on shoulder, there are wolves at my feet. This is my world, not the current one of society today. Never, I thought, could I be this powerful woman on the cliff. But my life now is about belief- for me there is no other way. And perhaps you’ve noticed in this awakening world— there aren’t coincidences any more. Even last night, my arms folded over my heart, candles lit, laying in the darkness, I asked for ONE MORE SIGN that this was all real, that this is who I really am, and you know what I heard back— “How many signs do you need?” Hah! So yes, it’s real.
At 33, I pray this is only the beginning of my adventure. I love life so much that some days my fear of death is great— last night that fear hit a peak. To think, I used to tempt it, flirt with it, with the pills and the boys and the blackouts.
I don’t feel ashamed to be a witch, a mystic, a shaman, a goddess, what I feel is a great sense of responsibility for my gifts. This woman who I am— she had the power to heal, to save, and to lead others to the light. She had telepathic powers with animals, plants, and people. Her beauty would draw you to her, then she would heal you. When a friend in Hawaii - who I had not told any of this— did my birth chart, he saw my past that I thought- at one pont- I could have been making up, because I longed for it so. But he too saw the path of my soul from the beginning of time— that I was a witch, priestess, or Goddess, and I had great, far-reaching power. But then I was cast out or abandoned by my people, and forever I roamed, bereaved, angry, ever-searching for my home. This is my story, this is the wound I am healing in this life time. This is the pain I entered this world with, this time around. This is the story I have repeated in my life again and again, until I woke up a year and a half ago. We are all healing our ancient wounds and the wounds of our ancestors. This is our work here.
My life is magical now, so I would say, the bereaved and homeless goddess has been found and saved, she is home in me, and she is healing. I am doing this for her. When I say witch— I am not talking about “the craft,” or even spells, although spells are fun- but should not be taken lightly. I am talking about a witch in the sense that I believe in energy, power, the elements, earth magic, that everything lives with a story to tell and its own power to wield. I believe that what you send out comes back threefold. Harm none. The more research one does on “witches” of the trials in Europe and Salem, the more we see, they were healers, or powerful women who others were afraid of. It’s ancient, ancient sexism and fear of women in power and the powers of women.. Go freaking figure.
Many of us are born haveing forgotten who we are. We are all ancient, we are all trying to find our way home. My passion is reconnecting us to the earth and to our primal ancient power, and to our lost selves. When we are severed from our true selves, chaos and danger insues. I spent 30 years bereaved, angry, searching, only to find a temporary home that would eventually, in its own way, burst into flames, and I would wander again. I was always very different, always watching life nose pressed against the glass. This can’t be life, I would think, while others around me seemed to be enjoying themselves, which I oftend resented. Energy channeled through me easily, although I didn’t understand my responsibility in things at the time. If it was negative, I could cause quite a destructive storm. I could make things happen. I could get what I wanted. I just NEVER knew how to treat it or keep it, because I had no idea how to care for myself, let alone anything else. But when it was positive, I could cause that sort of storm as well. I’ve always loved the elements- except heat. The higher the wind and the rain, the most myself I felt. My thoughts were always- when not focused on myself, boys, parties, how to lie to my boss to get out of work— the kinds of things that people were afraid of. I was a magnet for extremes, big love, big sadness, big jobs, big dark and deep trenches, looking back it’s a movie, all the highs and all the lows, but not one I would want to watch. I used to only watch the movies of my past, but I have left that theater for good. I have to clean out all the gunk from the past so my true self can live freely and happily and powerfully in my body in the present.
I am working with my powers, I am 99% love. The parts I need to heal are still rising, and I will do what it takes to heal them. Since that bright Virgo full moon that showed us to ourselves so clearly, a lot has been surfacing in the recent days. I’ve taken a lot of walks through the country, I’ve reikied myself with sacred stones placed on my body, I’ve meditated, done a lot of yoga, and I started hula hooping. I was never a dancer but we did some of this on our Goddess Retreat in Hawaii. Hooping doesn’t work if you don’t know how to dance with your eyes closed, just you and the Divine, the Shakti rhythm running up your spine. You’ve got to find and feel your own rhythm and stay in it, or you’ll drop the hoop. If your ego comes into play, you drop it. Distraction by others, drop it. The looser, easier, and freer you are, the better you are. The hoop represents the path. The way I move in that hoop does not feel familiar from this life, but yes from the past— some lusty sensual woman from a primal time, dusty feet, bare legs, bare belly, bare arms and playful, seductive smile, wakes up in that hoop. I spent the weekend in the backyard, under the hot spring sun, dancing and doing yoga and playing with the dogs. And lemme tell you, it was magic.
I can tell you all about discovering that I was ancient mystic, step by stumbling step— literally two years ago I stumbled over an old cauldron at an antique shop in a fishing village and it called to me- yet I had never ever wanted one or thought of one—- that was the beginning of my coming out as Me….It was a challenge to “own” that cauldron because I was on a shopping trip with this beautiful, popular, skinny tan yogini girl who made me feel so insecure, she laughed at me as I bought it. The call for the cauldron was larger than my need to be liked. Looking back I was so weak, but I was at the very beginning of my journey to find my power. Now, that cauldron is filled with beach stones and shells, and each one I have wished on, my only audience the sea. Oh and yes— every single wish has come true.
Keep finding your way back to yourself, pay attention to the signs, sometimes they whisper, sometimes they sing, sometimes they scream— but they are all leading you back to who you truly are, leading you home. You do know when something is speaking directly to you. You just have to trust yourself. You are unlocking the secrets of yourself and you’re mighty powerful, make no mistake. Anything that tells you you are not, is a lie. We are all born without memory of who we are, and our personal power. Remember, what you seek seeks you. Seek Your Self. If you can dream it, you can be it. And chances are, if you’ve dreamt it, you already ARE it. Now become it. ♥<3
RULES OF A WITCH
Live in harmony with nature, the world, and people.
Respect all paths whether or not you agree with them. Do not impose your own beliefs upon others through acts of evangelism or conversion.
Respect your body, and keep it healthy and pure through practices such as exercise, healthy eating, and meditation.
Celebrate life and living. Don’t just exist.
Attune with the cycles of the earth.
Respect all people, regardless of sex, age, race, culture, class and religion.
Respect and revere the God and Goddess in their many forms.
Always focus on learning and understanding for personal growth through reading, practising your craft, and accepting the advice and wisdom of others.
Harness and develop your power and nuture a kind of union with the gods and powers of nature.
Create balance in your own life by embracing all the above.
“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself.” -Alan Alda
“The greatest explorer on this earth never takes voyages as long as those of the man who descends to the depth of his heart.” -Julien Green
“When one feels pulled to do a particular thing, when one has passion for a certain life path, karma is always involved. In such an instance, when the goal is worthy and makes one happy, one should continue on that same life path. Just because the elephant cannot carry you anymore doesn’t mean you should give up your goal. Continue down the path that makes you feel fulfilled. Those who continue on an unrewarding path for the sake of only monetary gain are displaying a lack of trust in life.” -Kwan Yin
“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” -Buddha