Awakening the Divine Feminine.
Un-earthing Feminine Wisdom.
Flame Keeper.



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Today’s DIG Diary: Stay Close to Love

M. Ward- It Won't Happen TwiceM. Ward- It Won’t Happen TwiceLaurie Cabot: Thursday, September 6: Wear White. Stay quiet, meditate. It’s a slow day.
DOITGIRL. So much to tell you, that the whole day was witchy, dark, windy and rainy, stormy at times, all the songs on the stereo sang of oceans and rain, M. Ward specifically sang “All the love you deserve is coming on stormy winds,” and everywhere I went I found rocks in shape of hearts, heart rocks like my Lightworker/Goddess/Healer, dearly departed Aunt Lisa used to have piled in every windowsill and 
corner of her peaceful white mansion on the sea, and now my car is full of them. “You can just go live by the ocean?” I remember thinking when she lived there. I was so pre-programmed, I could only imagine living in big cities. If you could say I was using my imagination at all. It seemed so free, so liberated to choose a place to live year round where most only pre-scheduled vacation time for a week or so, or maybe, one day, in a far off time and space, they’d retire there. No, un-learn those ways and rules. Saul calls that mindset “Birth School Work Death.” Unlearn all the rules you’ve been handed. Yes you can live in your favorite place. Yes you can do anything you want. If you can dream you can 100% have it. Lightworkers show how to choose love and happiness and just jump, just become. Make the leap. They show you where the Prison/Paradise switch is. Leading by example Lisa seemed to say, yes you can live by the ocean, and you can go walk your dog barefoot and sweatered on the shore every morning, that first step in the cold water like an electroshock to the heart it wakes up your battery, but slowly it feels like bathwater and then you’re swimming in your underwear at 8m again, and then all day the air you feel isn’t just “regular” sacred earth air, it’s drenched with the tangy salt and brine of the ocean, and its breeze is cooler and fresher than inland. I like to skip the shower and leave the seawater on my skin when I run my errands, it’s like my secret with the ocean that I’m still coated in her salt. At night you can go have wine (or not) at its edge, be seranaded by its gloopy orange sunsets, the whole sky goes pink and orange for a few glorious, hallelujah, steal your breath moments, and when the moon rises, well there is nothing more beautiful than moon light on the water, and if you swim in that inky black water with the white light pouring all over it, your healing happens faster and so do your wishes. Then, if you’re close enough, when youre gong to sleep you can hear the waves, waxing and waning, in and out, inhale exhale just like the rise and fall of mother earth herself breathing. 

I had an hour to kill in between feeding an old landlord’s horses today, I said yes, really, just to press my face against a horse again and lean on that soft warm endless wisdom. Gracie and I ended up at a path called “THE FIRE TRAIL.” Every so often the woods are burned down for re-growth, and what’s reborn after the fire is much more healthy, vibrant and diverse. That’s what the first half of this year was, the Burning Times. There was a brushfire through our lives, wiping away for the enw. An astrologer asked if we even recognized ourselves from the beginning of the year. Me? NO. Early January? Still lying to myself about my wine drinking. Still eating til it hurt EVERY NIGHT. Hadn’t been to Hawaii- was going at the end of the month. That’s where and when Pele WOKE ME UP once more. In January I met the Goddess of the Fire, how fitting. She cannot stand a sleeping woman, she will rage you shake you awake. I got caught in the riptide at Black Death beach and I felt her pull around my ankles and the ancient voice asking “Do You Really Want to Be Here?” And I answered Yes the best I could, but it was only VERY recently that I’ve felt my soul descend further into my body, grounding, choosing this life. Im getting the grounding thing, Im really starting to get it. I had to understand it for myself, even though every healer and teacher has been begging me to do it since my first Kundalini awakening. And it feels really good, to be in your body, totally down here. Just the other day my friend was laughing about how we both “just dip” in the waves when we swim, we don’t commit to the water and we don’t let go. But the last few times I swam I’ve lingered, I’ve STAYED. Suddenly I’ll realize my fingertips are pruny and that I’ve been in for a while. I have no where else to go, no where else to be. With every new day I am choosing this life I live, taking a step deeper into it. I am rooting deeper into the Island, moving up into her woods for the winter, commiting to friendships. I’m finally making sustainable emotional and physical choices. There are still plenty of times I feel like I have one foot back in heaven, ready to go home, but more and more I feel the cocoon has kicked me out. “Your wings are dry. You’re ready to fly.” And all that expansion, contraction, the pulse of the Universe stuff, well I don’t really want to say No anymore. I want to expand. The secret of life is to open. I want to say Yes. The cocoon has served me well but I’ve grown tired of it. While Im down here, I want to say yes. While Im here, I want to really be here. I know always that not of this world yet in it, but I want to be IN IT. It was pouring rain outside when I came out of the grocery store this afternoon. People were skittering across the parking lot as fast as they could, a woman near me was hemming and hawing and “waiting it out.” I just laughed and sort of hooted up at the sky and slowly made my way back to the car, relishing in the water. I like people who like to get wet, I thought. I like the wind and I like the rain and I like the mud. While Im down here, I wanna get soaked. I wanna get dirty. I dont wanna stay clean. I wanna really be here and when I go I want to have DONE IT. I looked at the woman waiting for the rain to stop and I knew I was her, too scared to leave the porch, for way too long.

I have a new crush. That helps things, keeps your steps hopeful. “It’s good to have someone who makes you want to brush your hair and teeth,” my girlfriend and I laughed. It’s thrilling that he coudl be around any corner. To add to the mystery, I’ve never talked to him. I just see him places, I’ve felt his eyes on the back of my neck. He’s broody, like Heathcliff. I want to be his Catherine. But as this is the week of the Teachers, I was biking home from the bead shop today when lo and behold an ex, a very very challenign one - or someone who looked EXACTLY like him— stopped to let me cross the street. I have felt so full of the light this week, so sure the energy really is changing, so celebratory, my heart so light and full that it was all I could do to smile at him. A big deep real love smile. I dont know how he reacted, I just kept biking along. And it struck me, “what else would I ever have done but smile and show him love?” What else is there? All the times I’ve planned on how I would react to ANYONE who hurt me or not, what else would there ever be to do, but to show someone, anyone, everyone, love? If your intention is always love, how can you ever ever ever go wrong? You dont have to think about it anymore, what you’ll say, what you’ll do.. you’ll just be love. Saul David Raye reminded us of the Thoreau quote, “Dwell as near as possible to the channel in which your life flows.” I take this to mean stay as close as possible to Love, what you love, who you love, and you will always be near or on your path. Write down what you love, this is who you are. When the distractions , the noise, the drama and suffering arise, pull out your Love Letter to Life and Self, and this is your map home. Love is home. We’re all just trying to get back home.

Today’s DIG Diary: Doing as Nature Does

Bob Marley - Redemption SongBob Marley - Redemption Song
DOITGIRL. I’ve been getting all the signs that I’m on the right path, beautiful synchronicities, my numbers flashing, the wind moving with me, run ins with fellow messengers or those I might be able to heal— that sweet kind of grace—yet I’m still stuck in Limbo. I’ve been counseled by Patience, I know her benefits, it’s thrilling, sexy, even, to plant a seed and know it’s growing slow, up from the dark into the light. It keeps the mystery alive, to watch and wait while your dreams slowly bubble to the surface. But now I feel like a surfer waiting for a wave, a sailor waiting for a breeze. In the water alongside me Chiron the Wounded Healer has pushed up lingering wounds, they bob up all at once in successions, I had to laugh outside of the general store yesterday when my phone sang three times with messages from people I haven’t quite been totally open or honest with or with whom I hold resentments. “All at once, huh,” I asked the Universe, but I was cool with it. I trust her a lot these days. And things go a whole lot better when you trust her. I trust she’s clearing the way and healing the way for something huge and bold and beautiful. Holding onto expectations or the past will rip you apart, the river moves faster now, you could say we’re hitting the rapids.
"Heal These, You’re ready to heal these now, you know how now" the signs are saying. And somehow all the work is really starting to integrate, you know, off the mat/out of the cave and into the world, and so somehow now I do know, and I’m doing the 3D work, it’s elbow-grease work though, it’s real stand up tall and look them in the eye work. It’s make-yourself-proud so you cower no more work. And if I don’t go to that person or take that step, the Universe will bring them to me. You just cannot hide from this Universe. Good Luck Trying. Some of the interactions feel like that old school Exposure Therapy, like putting the arachnophobic in the room with spiders until she realizes they can’t hurt her anymore, it’s not gonna kill her to be with them. "Here is the source of this wound… Oh! And don’t look now but here is the source of this other wound," the Universe has said as she’d orchestrated these run-ins. "I wanted to show you that you were invincible." I couldn’t have done anything differently in my past. None of us could. I did the best I could with what I had. I knew I was stuck in a dark underground coffin I just had no way out. I had no idea how to get out. Now is different, much much different. With great gifts of Light and Love comes great responsibility. I’ve been blessed with an awakening. There is no going back. It would be true now to say that I simply know better. I know deeply and highly better. They used to call me "The Hurricane" on my ex’s tour bus. I can either bring a storm of drama or a storm of love- so can you. Now I know I have choice. I bring love. But it was equally as powerful in the form of a dark storm. We are forces of nature, energy in motion. We have all the energy of nature in us, at our core, before the societal structuring, make up and posturing we are wild, primitive, free. I remember Erica came this spring and I had been laying in the woods with Gracie all morning, when I picked her up at the ferry she called me "Burning Woman" and began picking leaves and twigs out of my hair. My little Erica, a fashion writer for the New York Times dressed in all black designer, said, "Um, you have.. the EARTH in your hair," laughing. The more time I spend out in the Great Mother the more I feel VERY much like her child. On the first day of September I was in the outdoor shower, naked under the water and trees and I felt like a newborn child, looking up all around at me at the natural beauty. It was the first time the connection was that deep and clear and true, and it’s stayed that way since. "Mom," I said to the trees and breeze. "Mother." My skin and organs knew it, we were of her, hers, we only survived because of her, and would return to her. The other day I was running in the woods and the toe of my little foot-glove shoe caught on a root. I tripped as if in slow motion and banged hard onto the trail. On the forest floor I rolled over and just looked up at the sky, breathing deep, relaxing. I laid there and thought, this is how I’ve become, I fall, and I take a moment to appreciate the view, instead of cry or curse. Life pauses us to stop and look around. She has to remind us, the Universe, how good we’ve got it. We’ve got to be slowed down. In all this limbo I practice my gratitude. It slows me into presence. I co-taught a yoga class on Sunday with my teacher Sherry. I think "co-teach" is misleading, Sherry leads asana while I talk my love theory, or whatever it is, my mission of love and healing. I said "we’re in the ninth month of 2012. It’s birth month. What are you birthing?" I feel it’s our highest selves. I feel it’s just the beginning of our dreams coming true. Welcome to fall, the ultimate Let Go season, as all of nature is in a state of Let Go for eventual rebirth. Have you noticed nature is at her most beautiful as she lets go? At her peak golds and reds, she lets go, as the water falls over the edge, that’s when she sings. Every morning in the woods I say to nature "I bow to you, I am you, I want to work with you, I want you to work through me." As the Mother begins her season of letting go, so do I. I release my past and all its teachers with love and gratitude, I fall fully into this new life I have co-created with the Universe.

Today’s DIG Diary: Everything We Dream of is Right In Front of Us

Augustana - Steal Your Heart (Audio)Augustana - Steal Your Heart (Audio)
DOITGIRL. Women & men ask me all the time how to get free, how to climb out of their coffins & cages, I’m often stumped, because it’s a uniquely internal process. But if I could tell you one thing, is that you each have a soul inside you waiting to be born and set free. Like anything else in life, it cannot live without love. Love is its food. Everything in this Universe runs on Love. You need to start maki
ng choices based on what you really really love, what you’re dying to do, what you’ve always wanted to do and be, even if they are just tiny whispers now, follow them, and they’ll grow louder. If you see it, you can be it, you just have to believe it. But this might mean shutting out the voices you’ve been listening to for way too long now. This means de-programming, un-learning. You will meet resistance. But the more you listen to yourself, the more you will know your self, the stronger you become. If it’s a voice of fear, judgement, or hate, don’t listen to it. Only listen to the inner voice of love. To birth and raise the soul, you need to do exercises to make it strong- also like anything else. I call them Fear Exercises, you have to keep doing things you were afraid of to constantly see the illusions you’ve been held under. You have to witness your patterns to change them. Acceptance is Transformation. You have to keep choosing love, over and over again and move in that direction. You have to keep feeding your soul Love, feeding your own self, love. If you choose to do this, you will uncork a portal in the Universe and Love will start to flow through you and it will touch everyone and everything you come in contact with. You will start changing others’ lives as your own life changes. You will wake up One day, it could be tomorrow- your path can appear or reappear beneath your feet that fast, and You’re Strong, You’re Flying, You’re Free, You’ve become or are becoming the Woman of Your Dreams, if you keep taking the invisible steps - the ones only your heart alone knows are there- no one else can see them- no one else can see or know your path but you. It is a great adventure, an endless odyssey deep into the depths of your soul alone. It’s the greatest mystery of all, and it’s yours. It can start anytime you CHOOSE. Constantly remember and exercise your choice, you are at a crossroads every second of your life, and if you always choose love your path will take you home. Expanding your heart strengthens it. Practice your heart-expanding exercises. KEEP opening it, it’s as wide and expansive as the universe itself. ANYTIME you see a chance to give love, to be kind, to help another, to over come your fear or break an old unserving pattern you TAKE IT. You take EVERY OPPORTUNITY to love that the universe presents you with. Everything in your path right now- ESPECIALLY what and who challenges you— choose to love and everyone and everything in it. Remember it’s not personal and it’s not about you and that person, it’s between you and God/Goddess/Spirit. Love is how we move forward and evolve. If you choose to give your Love to everyone and everything and above all your Self, it will flow through you with the Force of 1,000 Angels, and become an unstoppable force. YOU will become an unstoppable force. I Love you, and you can do it girl… ♥
And on the subject of nature, after a run in the woods and a dip in the sea, here is what I know of Earth Water Fire Air…
If you hug a tree, it hugs you back and grounds you. 
If you swim in salt water, it cleanses your soul and heals you.
If you make a wish over fire’s flame, it’s on its way.
If you feel the wind blow, a change is coming.

Blessed Be. ♥ DOITGIRL ♥
p.s.  I know the past was so painful. Please just forgive yourself, over and over and over again. Practice presence- read on it, meditate on it, find it… ♥♥ ♥

Today’s DIG Diary: When Your Path Reappears Beneath Your Feet

Pearl Jam - I Won't Back Down (Gorge '06)Pearl Jam - I Won’t Back Down (Gorge ‘06)
There are so many people on the Facebook page all of the sudden, I wanted it to grow, it’s not that I didn’t want that. But now, it seems all of the sudden, it has and I’m more hesitant, because some of the commentators are negative, I understand that this is a reflection of inward suffering but you know how sensitive I am, I let it get to me anyway. And they don’t know that this just started out as my diary (edited of course, a bit, because some parts of Awakenings are too terrifying to claim publicly, right now, perhaps for the book) and I want to keep it my diary, that’s all I can write these days, I know that. And that’s the moment to pay attention, the minute you feel fear clutch your heart, because it’s most likely totally irrational. And it is. So what if a few people are on it to be negative, I’m backed up writing back to all the love I receive on a daily basis. I have so many wonderful people to THANK that I have to carve out time in my day to do it. I am so so blessed. And it’s not like I want to stop writing DIG. I keep trying to write anything else and it’s not working. Just the light-writing, that’s all I can do right now, it’s my Assignment, because it heals me and what heals me heals those around me. But I have great gratitude & I’ve had so much of it recently, my heart sending love to every stranger I see again, and you know how Gratitude so quickly becomes Abundance, the way Self-Love so quickly becomes Universal love, so much that I can’t believe I wasn’t grateful before or ever, that sort of gratitude. But these are the waves we ride. I feel faith-full again. Everyone loves you. The universe is conspiring to fulfill each and every dream. It’s all green lights.

I had an unfortunate run in with maggots recently, they were in something I picked up and I dropped them with that gasp when you’ve seen something that reeks of death. I couldn’t help but see them working at my body when I’m placed back in mother earth. You know me, I’m morbid, I have a lot of dark goddess in me, I think about death a lot, my chart connects me to the Underworld. I think about death in order to more fully live. Sunday night I went down to the tourist strip and I saw Pandora, my little ten year old friend with long thin legs and that shiny sheet of blond hair, the ancient one, the sage, dance under the lights to Donna Summer, I sat crossed legged on the wooden floor in my silk slip I pretend is a dress, Pandora’s sweet, olive-skinned fourteen year old sister slumped on one side of me and her mother on the other, a woman who is my mirror image in a lot of ways, someone I’m actually letting know me, because she already is me, so I don’t have to explain that much. Im not out much, because the night used to get me into so much trouble. But being out felt really good, there is this whole vibrant world that unfolds when I’m pulling the covers up. As the night went on we watched each dancer steal a moment of immortality in this great mortal play, tick tock, tick tock, and I started thinking about Glory. What it is, when someone has it for a moment. I think about how many moments I’ve been blessed with since I woke up. There was something quite unusual, a beautiful, fit, 60 year old woman who moved slowly in white to a recording of a man talking about a piece of music he wrote about death, it played in the background, sometimes you could hear angels sing, but mostly you could hear a pin drop as we watched this woman move to a musing on death. It was great art because it made the audience uncomfortable and if it’s making you uncomfortable you have to ask WHY and then you are blessed with great information about yourself. I appreciate the kind of person who is not here to make you COMFORTABLE, she is hear to wake you up. “She’s not doing something I recognize. She’s not making me ‘happy.’ She’s MAKING me FEEL SOMETHING.” She was bringing her fear out into the light and watching it dissolve. We were honored guests. At one point she became a Sorceress, so divinely connected to source, her body became, as my teacher would say, “A prayerstick for the world.” My friend nudged me, “what did you think about her?” she asked, I could tell she dug it by the look in her eyes. “You could tell she’s a survivor,” I said. “Only survivors have that kind of courage.” My friend nodded. This woman had walked through it, and now she was on the other side. You can tell someone who is on the Other Side of life, she’s walked through her Great Fire. She knew Glory, she had more than tasted it, it had embraced her and she had become it, she was Glorious. And when I had a moment of fear and dullness this morning and I could see Pandora dancing, the once premature baby who came into this world at two pounds and fought to stay. Pandora had walked through her fire as a new born, she is on the other side. And I watched her dance in her green and black sequined costume under the flood of lights and I hear that Great Gatsby line, “All I kept thinking about, over and over, was ‘You can’t live forever; you can’t live forever.” And I think about Wayne Dyer, saying, “You have an endless stream of green lights before you.” It’s true. I know this, I woke up knowing it today. I had wanted to stay in that Sunday night, to eat too much to sleep too early, but there is something about this child that always teaches me. She’s the one person I worry about not liking me, I cannot imagine what that would feel like if she saw something she didnt like in me, I am as authentic as possible around her because that would be like Wisdom & Beauty herself dismissing me. Something about Pandora just says “Dance instead,” that most suffering is pointless. Somethign about her long ago came to terms with the fact this life would be both beautiful and tragic, and she wouldn’t fight that. You can’t change life. Life changes you. She wouldn’t fight it, she’d dance instead. My favorite moments are when someone realizes they have just had ENOUGH, and they finally walk away or through and then, like a river running through their whole body, they can feel their REAL LIFE BEGINNING, their life truly in their own hands once more, their Path reappears beneath their feet. My favorite moments are when someone realizes they aren’t afraid of something they once were, that they’re free. My two exes on this Island drive trucks, most men do here. Every truck that passed me on the road I used to worry was them. The more I worried, the more I saw them, and my heart would fall through that trap door in my stomach. If you look for it, you will find it. Seek Fear, you’ll find Fear. Seek Love, you’ll find Love. Anyway this morning I realized that I was no longer looking at the trucks, I was just letting them pass right on by. Somewhere along the way I stepped out of those shackles and barely noticed, I’ve just been too busy doing the things I love and the things I must. Fall is coming, it’s the full moon of the seasons. Soon the leaves become the colors of love and gold, before they gracefully let go (watch nature to learn how to live and how to die), and the light becomes softer, the air gets sweeter, you can wear shorts, but also a sweater, you can swim in the ocean, but also make a fire, it’s a time of great balance. Soon the seeds you have planted will be harvested. Soon, the time of reaping is at hand. Can you feel it in the wind? Can you see your dreams coming true? Can you steal every moment of immortality you can in this never-ending play? Can you be glorious?
glo·ry [glawr-ee, glohr-ee] 
noun, plural glo·ries,

resplendent beauty or magnificence: “the glory of autumn.”

a state of great splendor, magnificence, or prosperity.

Today’s DIG Diary: And She is Also with You

Lori McKenna - The Luxury of KnowingLori McKenna - The Luxury of Knowing 
I was explaining to a friend what dogs do for me, I was telling them they’re sort of like those Himalayan salt lamps, that you put in the corner of the room and they just radiate peace and stillness, that’s how dogs are, they just radiate their love when you have them in the room. And when it comes down to it that’s what a lightworker does. You go out in the world radiating love and people can’t help but be affected. Just walk around and be you and you are doing your work. Yesterday morning lightworker gigs (you being in the right place at just the right time to help- synchronicities) were everywhere, I’d find myself perfectly poised to hold the door open for a woman juggling packages at the post office, where I picked up a package and it was a gift from a reader- oracle cards- just what I needed;) and where I ran into two separate lonely seeming women in the rain in the woods and made them smile, gently nudged a young girl to breathe when she was overwhelmed working at the coffee counter, and then I was driving up the road in the sleepy rain and saw an old beagle dog tottering around aimlessly alongside the summer traffic. I pulled over, Gracie waiting behind in the backseat, and I went over to the old soul. I knelt down and looked in his droopy sad brown eyes and found his collar in his the wet mattered fur of his neck, he was so happy to have some help. So easily, accepted my help. Animals so easily accept love and give love. Trust, they trust. I was talking to him, petting his long wet ears, figuring out what to do. I looked up across the road and parked on the other side there was a cop, rolling down his window waving at me. “Does he have a number?” he yelled over the cars. “Yes,” I called, “but I dont have my cell on me.” He shook his head, “No, a house number.”
"You’ll take him home?" I asked through the drizzle. He nodded and stepped out of the car. Behind me, I could feel Gracie breathe a sigh of relief. He was trying to conceal a lump of tobacco in his cheek, but he looked young, 22. He sauntered into the road- stopping traffic with a hand- just like a wizard. Sunglasses on, he just raised his hand, cooly, and all the cars hit a forcefield he’d created on each side. He motioned me and the beagle. We trotted toward him, I was stooped over gripping his collar and my chest was spilling out of my top, so I had the other hand clutched to my chest, it was awkard. "That was cool," I laughed, looking up at him from my stooping walk, but he was all business when he opened the backseat of the cop car for the beagle, so offical. "Uh oh," I laughed, helping his pudgy rear end into the backseat, "you’ve been naughty." 

"Thanks a lot," I said looked up at the cop. "You’re doing a really nice thing." He nodded. I started to walk away and I said, "Hey, you’re the guy stopped me for my headlight the other night," smiling. He looked blank. I pointed to the car, as if he’d remember, and even though the lights weren’t on. "I got it fixed!" 
FInally he smiled, remembering. “Good job,” he said. “It’s nice to see you again.” 
"You too," I said.
Then he kept the traffic stopped until I drove away, and as I did, people in line were smiling, waving at me for escorting the dog home. Some moments feel like high fives with God. Those are the moments of our lightwork.

You know how I was telling you about Santa Monica , how I always counted the days away, living for an imaginary future that never came? Well that’s the point, it never came. We don’t EVER know what will come. All we know is what is now. We do not know what will be THEN. All I know is now, all I have is now. Living in the past or future means you’re half awake. Now is all I will ever have. I used to live for a future that never came. And that was my lesson. It never came. It’s the present, it’s the only thing that’s real. This right now, where you are, who you are right now, this is your life, what’s happening right now. We must first accept our reality fully to change it. Once we accept ourselves totally, that’s when the change happens. It just happens- just like magic. 

Someone told me they liked how I took my dog everywhere, it’s true, I hate being without her. She’s my familiar, she does my work for me. You know, Love. “Yes,” I said, “I always have Grace with me.” And so do you. 

Today’s DIG Diary: Show Them What You’re Made Of

 Lori McKenna - That's How You Know
Lori McKenna - That’s How You Know
Laurie Cabot Magic Whispers.
Friday, August 17: Wear Burgundy. All your hard work will pay off. Light a black candle. 

Sunday, August 19: Wear Lavender. Meditate, relax. Work hard tomorrow.

Saturday, August 18: Wear Green. Early morning will be strange. The afternoon is good for love.
So I’m just gonna bang this out to get one post out the door- I think it’s my first in a week. I can’t believe how these weeks fly by— I don’t think that’s a good thing. I don’t think it’s the “when you’re having fun” time flying, it’s more, by the seat of my pants out of control flying by- mentally only, I’ve managed to slow things down on the physical plane. I feel fine, just not great. If life
 is a beach then I’m having the kind of beach experience where I’m lonely in a crowd, the waters are too rough to swim, every time I try to get back in they pummel me around, and I’m getting burned and I just want to go home. I think I’m doing that thing I did when I lived in LA- well of course it was much worse in LA. I was half dead in LA. That was where I started to count the days down, to when we would move back to New York, that was the plan in the air at the time, we would move back East after the wedding. He hated that I did that, not just not living in the present, but living in an imaginary time in the future- he knew that was no way to spend my time. But I wanted to run, run, run. That was then, this is now. I’ve come a long way. YOU’VE come a long way, baby. I remember when every morning was a hangover, I was so scared and disgusted by how I’d behaved the night before (the flashes I could recall) I never ever wanted to get out of bed. I almost always started the day wanting to die. That’s some killer way to start your day. I remember my disconnect to nature, to all the beings on this planet (except for furry animals), and I remember I was not only counting the days til we left California (only because I was always looking for a do-over, I always NEEDED a do-over, I was always fucking up) I was sort of counting the days until I died. I felt there was no stopping or turning around. It was a very long, destructive fall from grace. Part of me must of understood the rebirth cycle, maybe I wanted to hurry up and die so I could be born again, the ultimate do-over. I often asked God, the mornings after, for a do-over. 

But no now I’m just counting the days until September, the fall, when things, in my mind, all fall together, the house, the car, the yoga, the reiki. I am trying to be present in the in betweens but I’m failing, I’m looking to brighter days (crisp cool fall) I’m not loving what I have now. Gratitude isn’t my attitude. I felt there were calmer waves for the first two weeks of August, now the teachers are back in my life, they come with a bang, a thud, I don’t really see them coming to be honest. They come in the form of rejection. I am being rejected a whole hell of a lot these days. I’m sort of laughing as I write about it, trust me I’m not writing from the floor. I know, I see, the doors that were shut were the wrong door. I feel the guiding process, the helping hand that shuts doors for me that I can’t shut myself. Something happened along the way with my Approval Addiction, with my over-the-top need to please others. I stopped walking away from relationships/partnerships I knew in my gut weren’t right, I just sabotaged them until the other person left/rejected me. And then I played Abandoned Victim. Even though it didn’t serve me, even though it wasn’t right or healthy or made me happy, even though deep down I knew it wasn’t right, I would still wait for the other person to leave or reject me (Im talking about love, friends, career choices, all of it). I just am still VERY MUCH working with my fear of rejection, of not being liked, of not belonging, of people disagreeing with me or not approving of me. There are still people I cower around.

I know that in the movies the girl gets dragged out of her house to go to the party and she REALLY didnt want to go, she was trying to tell her friend no— but when she got there it ended up being a FANTASTIC night and she danced the whole time and meets a beautiful man. See, no, not for me. When I go somewhere I don’t want to be, everyone knows. I can’t glow. If my inner self resists, says “no,” doing something, I don’t tend to switch like a lightbulb once I’m there. I can’t remember a single time in my life where I was shocked by how much fun I had at the thing I knew I didn’t want to do. But so then I say yes anyway, but I grow resentful, and then my resentment leads to their rejection of me. Every time. With freelance pieces, men, favors others ask of me, I could go on. I’m not a music journalist anymore. I can’t be a journalist the way I was at all. That once served me very well, it was my childhood dream and I realized it but I have to let it die, I have to fully let it go for good so I can fully be who I am now. I think we should respond to what excites us, not causes depression, boredom, dread. I’ve signed on to stuff this summer out of not wanting to be confrontational, not wanting to let others down, wanting to be liked, to please. And lemme tell you every deal I signed with half a heart went to shit. You have to want to say a 1,000 yes’s, I think. You really do. Your heart has to race. If I really want something I forget to breathe, my lips go dry, my heart races. Why would we say yes to anything less? And if it doesnt, another chance will come along that’s right, I promise. Dani Shapiro says “if it doesn’t give you that feeling in your stomach then it probably isn’t worth it anyway.” If you say yes to anything less your hands will be too busy with the wrong thing when the right thing does come along. Then the resentment builds on both sides. Say Yes to what excites you because Joy is expansion and expansion  is growth. Growth is Life. Joy = Life. Say No to what depresses you, depression is not forward motion, it’s regression, contraction, decay. Always take the step towards evolution. Always take the steps toward Life and Joy. When you say Yes, it should be with the fullest heart, that one yes should contain a 1,000 yes’s. Otherwise don’t say maybe. Just say no.

There were a few other things I wanted to tell you. I was reading a Wayne Dyer book at the clinic when my toe was swollen to the size of a billiard ball, and I found something I loved. He called people who are connected to Source, who are self aligned with their highest self, he called them Sorceresses. And I think he made the point that’s all they ever were, is people deeply connected to the Divine. Crackling alive with love’s magic. 

On our morning walk in the woods- we miss the beach but the forest sure embraces us— I thought about this. That there’s a way to use all my Authority Issues for good. I mean I have them BIG time. It was a huge part of my suffering in my old life, I couldn’t follow the orders of teachers or bosses. I always had to do it my way, be in my own world, I could never recognize another human as truly superior enough to give me orders. I was always the Norma Rae, whistle blowing, standing up for other co-workers, breaking the rules, coming in late, taking long lunches. Once I lied to my boss I was sick, and flew to New Orleans to interview Duran Duran. I almost got away with it until I answered his call in the airport bathroom and they called my flight on the speaker. “Where the hell are you?” he asked. I still can’t believe he didn’t fire me. ANYWAY. I thought, well why don’t I employ that rebellion with my Fear, when it’s ruling? Why don’t I say, “Oh, yeah, you think I can’t rise and walk through that? You think I can’t deal with my finances, or be totally honest, or ask them for what I really want, or tell him No…” WHATEVER it is. Challenge Authority, Challenge the authority of your fear. I know it’s a Starseed Trait, to not be able to follow the rules that well, so you’re primed for this. When you have Fear acting as Authority, go against it (which is always Love, there is only fear or love)- REBEL against its ruling. I know you have it in you. Show fear who is boss, teacher, who is in control. 

The other night I was meditating I started to hear a chant. “I Love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.” And it was coming from the grass, from the sea, from Gaia, from the animals, the lambs horses dogs seals, from my ancestors, from my loved ones living and dead. A thousand voices, chanting “I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.” It got so loud and powerful my heart burst and I dropped the connection. But I heard it. And I heard it for you. 

In the Old Paradigm, they said “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” 

In the New Paradigm, We say, “If you don’t have any love to give, give love to yourself.” 

I’ve been re-obsessed with butterflies again, their cycle. Crawling, creeping— DARKNESS, TRANSFORMATION, REBIRTH — magnificent, soaring. I was leaning up against my friend’s car this morning after yoga, petting her dog Marley. Un-coincidentally, she had also had an awakening last spring, and has been feeling back in the mud this summer as well. “But,” she said, “let’s stay positive. Because I really really feel things are about to get better.” Then she said, “look,” and she nodded at two orange butterflies dancing around each other above the grass, just flying around in the light. Sometimes all it takes is one kind soul telling you it’s about to get better.

There’s a new whisper from the wind, I hear it in the woods. It’s saying. “Show them what you can do. Show them what you’re made of.”

Today’s DIG Diary: You Don’t Have to Go Down with the Ship

Bleed to Love Her - Fleetwood Mac

Bleed to Love Her - Fleetwood Mac

Laurie Cabot. 
Friday, August 10: Wear Orange. Say what you want. Ask for a new job.

Saturday, August 11: Wear White. People are weird today. Watch your back. 

Sunday, August 12: Wear Gold. A day of goodness. Breathe a sigh of relief.

DOITGIRL. I really mean it when I say you don’t have to go down with the ship. The old way was for the woman to suffer and stay behind with the burning house or the sinking ship — emotionally, I mean. All that matters is you get out with your soul intact. To martyr herself, to suffer and cry in the ruins and the ash was the old way, but you really don’t have to do that in the destruction anymore, that’s Choice too. You don’t have to martyr yourself and you don’t have to PROVE anything to anyone. You are not here to SACRIFICE YOURSELF for others, you are here to SAVE YOURSELF for others. Don’t worry what it looks like, you walking away from the sinking ship— What others think of you or something you experienced is NONE of your business. You don’t have to wait and move through your old cycles of suffering to move on from something you know in your heart was wrong, a mistake, a lesson, a bridge. You don’t have to wait until it’s COMPLETELY DESTROYED before leaving, either, you know in YOUR HEART when it’s time. You really can just let it go. My little cousin asked me by the water yesterday, “So you’re fine, really?” when we were talking about a rupture that happened in my life recently. “Yes,” I shrugged contentedly. “I don’t go down with the ship anymore,” I said. “Me neither,” she said, “I just can’t fall apart like that anymore, I don’t have the time.” Cheers to that. When a situation no longer serves us we are obligated to move to higher ground, we are obligated to change it. You really can just say “I release you, please release me,” and move forward. Healing really can happen over night. There is no certain amount of time that one MUST SUFFER, when as we know by now, joy is our natural state. Do absolutely everything in your POWER to return to your NATURAL STATE. Stay wild.

"If you let it go, it will let you go." [Amrit Desai] 

I can feel now the instant fear casts its dark shadow over my heart and I say, “Oh, it’s a fear test.” So I walk through it. When I am signaled that there is a test, I rise and walk through it. I turn toward the loving, brave decision and I walk that way. “Don’t move the way fear makes you move, move the way love makes you move.” Osho. 

There is a new sense we have to keep everything clean, cleaner than ever. Our houses, our bodies, our thoughts, all our energy. Cleanse and let go as much as possible to work from a clean, safe and healthy foundation. Old dark energy can’t accrue this way, constantly clear it, like being in a constant state of Letting Go. This is a struggle for me as a naturally disorganized being, but I’m told it’s highly important right now.

This morning in the woods I felt all the natural energy from the grass and plants and trees today, the energy in the wind and the light that fell through the trees. This is Prana, natural life force, that is in everything. To go deep into nature and to be totally surrounded by it is a rush. For the time when I don’t have access to my beach I’m heading into the woods, and I always walk out renewed. Why do people feel so good after time in nature, say after a day at the beach, why is the end of a day at the beach a better feeling than anything money can buy? Because youve received all the negative ions from the salt water, youve been healed and cleaned. Because youve soaked up all the Vitamin D and your spirit has been re-charged and revived. Because you’ve rolled around on the earth all day, moved your body in its natural elements, laid among its tiny grounding rocks of sand and swam in its natural healing waters, and when we return to our natural state we are Scrubbed Clean, Re-Awakened and Re-invigorated. The sun’s rays can clean off the negative energy, so does the salt and sand. Any re-turn to the earth is a good return. Any release is good release. Self- forgiveness and Mother Earth, the two great transformers. If you can’t roll around in mother nature today drop into child’s pose. Go deep back into the womb. Forgive yourself, over, and over, and over again. Incubate like this with just your own soul, nothing else, in the dark. Then rise and bloom into the light, see how much further you can glow and grow after taking this crucial clearing and healing time for yourself.

THIS QUOTE: “As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”
- Henry David Thoreau

ties to THIS QUOTE: “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing - that’s why we recommend it daily.” - Zig Ziglar

What are you working to heal now? Open your closet, what’s your biggest scariest boogey man? How are you healing it? Mine is my fear that my mother never loved me, therefore I am not worthy of love. That she saw something unlovable deep within my soul that she was afraid of, and she didn’t accept me or claim me. So this is what I am healing, this is the fear-based lie I am working to shed light on. So this is what I have to tell myself EVERYDAY as a Creature of Habit who has seen the benefits of Practice. So everyday I remind myself what I know in my heart to be true, my mother T
RULY DID LOVE ME TO THE BEST OF HER ABILITY and is with me, always, still nurturing me, still supporting me, we are one. All Loved, Forgiven, Whole, Healed and Forever. THIS is what my heart knows.Everyday we work to make this mental path, just like Thoreau said. This is the Love Path we are Carving. Like trees, we must look at the ROOT of the issue, always, to deeply heal and not just place a temporary bandaid that can be blown away by the slightest gust of wind. No, we have to heal from deep within. We go way back to the root issue, always.

Healing takes practice. Healing is an endless journey, we are always learning new ways to love and new ways to heal. Step by step, it’s the journey. Go gentle with yourself.

The Journey 

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice —
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do —
determined to save
the only life you could save.  
- Mary Oliver 

Today’s DIG Diary: I Am Not Going Anywhere

DOITGIRL.  I’m much better. The emotional pain is leaving my body, it’s transformed into physical pain in the form of a foot injury- and I actually prefer physical pain to emotional, thank you very much. I trust my body to heal. I am of this new paradigm where we understand that emotional pain is lethal— I am not of the society that dismisses others’ grief and loss or puts it on a timeline. I understand losing someone can be as deadly as a heart attack. (Old paradigm: “You should be over that by now, it’s been a year since he left you.” or “At this point Gary is just feeling sorry for himself, his wife died nearly five years ago” or “It’s just a broken heart—” what? our heart is us, we are our hearts. a broken heart is never a ‘just,’ but to be tended to with everything one has). Anyway, how I did it—- I went careening around a million miles per hour, as I was doing all of July—into a tree stump in the backyard. A tree stump I’ve grown up with all my life, but my steps have become so unconscious, I’ve been falling back asleep— that I slammed right into it two nights ago. WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING, cried the Universe. And WHERE YOU ARE GOING and WHAT DO YOU WANT are the same question to me. Where I am going, what do I want. How can I be conscious, lead a conscious life, when my heart is so murky? How can I blame others for walking away from me when I never knew what I wanted from them in the first place, and how can I ask for more of my life when I don’t know what I want from it? I guess Kali had to burn down all the brush for me to see where I was and what I was doing, she knew I was walking away from myself again, trying to lose myself in others, not caring for myself or putting my Priestess work first. My Priestess work, the only reason I have ever felt that I truly had to be here. I was tortured in July for still saying yes to old parts of myself that actually are not “me” anymore. And physically the Universe stunted me, like getting tased from above. Slow Down, it cried. Inner fire is contagious, we spread it like a brushfire. Stop and Drop IN before being with others. But I never did. I was flailing out, the wine, the pot, the cell phone, the boys, the drama, the blame and separation. And finally me it stunted me, stopped me in my tracks because I could not do it myself. All of July I was a mess. That red moon, that full red moon came down right before July 4th, and it took everything with it. It burnt through my life, I am at a level playing field now, with love, with housing, with career… everything burnt to the ground to rebuild. And I’m hobbling around with a sprained toe, but it easily could have been broken. The nurses at the clinic gathered around and laughed at me, “who have you been kicking?” they asked. Only myself, I muttered. Sprained, not broken— I keep getting slapped with warnings, I’ve gotten several of late when I’ve been headed the wrong way. And Gracie’s limping too, sadly. This morning she must have stepped on splinter or a thorn or a bee but she won’t let me look at it. Her right front paw is hurt and my left foot is hurt, together we’re a pathetic pair. I think about how we physically manifest our inner pain and about what Anne Lamott says, about limping, 

"You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly-that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp." 

So yes, I’m still limping. Today I talked to a healer for two hours and she said I’m still not grounded and I wanted to cry. “I can’t HEAR that anymore,” I said. “What do you mean, what does everyone mean?” I was in a tizzy, and she seemed taken aback for a moment. 

"Oh," she said, patiently. "I don’t know what everyone else is telling you, but all the Universe wants you to do is take beautiful healing good care of yourself. That’s the message it wanted me to tell you."

"Oh…" I said. "That’s- that’s actually really nice. I still feel like I’m not worthy of love."

"I know," she said. "You’re human. But you have great gifts," she said. "You are a light of the world. We need you to care for yourself, we can’t lose your light."

"Ok," I said, tears in my eyes. 

The most interesting thing happened last night. The pain that was in my heart, the death kind, the sick kind, the tearing apart, it moved to my foot. The night it happened I laid awake in the family cabin the night before the full moon and the pain in my heart and the foot were the same. Searing, angry, deathly sad, on fire. And pain is pain, I finally realized, pain is pain. And I wondered, when am I going to learn to stop and care for myself before I’m laid up in bed with a sprain or a fever, before I recognize I deserve the self care and love I so fervently wish for for others? But last night there was peace. Foot up and iced, the fan blowing on my skin, and a boxset of Miss Marple’s Mysteries from the library, finally I felt peace, and I felt it around me too. I went out under the moon at midnight, and she was not angry the way she was last month, I am always awoken under the full moon to go speak to her, to feel what she is bringing that cycle, and she was not a Kali moon this time, not intent to burn everything in my path. She was just the milky soft moon, soft and loving, worried and caring. With no wine, no pot, no men, no phone, just me in my nightgown under the moon, Gracie panting on the wooden floor in a pool of moonlight. There was peace. Be calm, someone said recently, for everything else is the weather and you are the sky. It is not about the STORY on the outside, it is only about the story on the inside. And mine is that I want love and I am love and I am seeking my home, I want no harm to anyone, just healing, just love, for myself and the whole. There is no other story for me. I hobbled into the pharmacy yesterday and the woman behind the counter asked about my tattoo. She was slow speaking and demure with a scarf over her head and her body wrapped in linens, and I told her, ashamed because I felt so weak, that it meant I was a spiritual warrior. “But I feel broken today,” I told her, nodding at my foot. “It’s over when warriors die,”she said plainly. She shrugged: “Your toe’s broken. I think you’re off the hook.” It’s not that we get to go through life with no pain, I know we need it. Pain tells us something is WRONG. Something needs healing. Somethign is broken and it needs to be healed. Pain is how we as energetic beings are awakened to our wounds. So thank you for my pain. I know these are just signs. I know it’s all just information. So I broke a little. A warrior isn’t truly down until she’s dead, and I believe in eternal spirit, and eternal resilience of the human spirit in this lifetime. But I’m not dead, I’m far from it, in fact I woke this morning unafraid. Unafraid of what? I asked myself. Of getting my heart broken, of rejection, of failure. Of someone not accepting me. Of others not liking me. I think this is what I meant— because so often these teachings come to me far before I’ve truly learned their meaning- this is what I meant when I said the other day- this is the place I’m in— where we start to rise up again after our last fire, our hearts full of the lessons from the last destruction, we rise to realize we are indominatable. Find your power, walk in your power, act in your power, your power is Love. a HUGE shift happens when I chose to move forward, get up, go in, be where I deserve to be, to stand up. the smallest decision to choose love, to choose yourself, has huge heroic effects on our soul. To stay and not run. To rise and not cower. It was August of last year that I ran from this Island I love so much. I thought it was because that boy dumped me in an email and I thought it was because I no longer had any real space to call home and because I had my Kundalini awakening and I was losing my old mind, and yes it was all that, and it was the energy of this Island in high summer, all these people coming here looking for somethign that they can only find in themselves but seeking OUT, and there is this anger and this frustration and resentment between summer people and island poeple and there are bike accidents and car accidents and the temperatures make the tempers soar— high temps mean short tempers— and it was all that but it was also this: past the honeymoon stage of a relationship into the REALNESS OF THE MIDDLE. The middle- that’s where I run from. Because I know beginnings and I know endings- oh do i know endings— but the middle, that’s the real hero’s journey. So here I am in the middle, the inbetween, the “hard parts,” the meat, where the parts where reality sets in— this is the part I’ve never been any good at, this is when I run, when I leave, my body and my home— but I am here to heal my ancient wounds from all my lifetimes, from when I ran from love or life’s fires- abandoend myself and lost my faith—when I was cast out of my home, and sent to wander alone forever— this is what I am healing and so I am staying. There is a goddess on this island, Goddess Martha, and I can hear her say, “can you handle this part, can you handle my underbelly, my not so beautiful sides, my tough sides, because to be mine you must be able to love all parts of me,” and I hear that, Martha, I feel you- Because I ask that people love all parts of me, the weak and the afraid parts, and when they run I know they were not meant for me. So I see you martha, all your parts, and I will love all parts of you. I love you Martha, even in high summer, when you are on fire, when you test absolutely every inch of my will and patience and peace. With my old life behind me and the new one before me, I will be patient, and I will nourish myself and love all parts of myself, and find my foundation and cool peace, even when, especially when, the summer scorches on with so much intensity. I feel it, my soul is scared that we will run again, and I will have to start over, and it’s shaking inside from fear. But I am calm now and still, and I say to myself, the abandoned loveless child inside, “Don’t worry. I am not going anywhere. I am just going to sit beside you until this storm passes. I am not going anywhere.” And she crawls out of her corner where she cowers from the world and she puts her head on my lap, and her shaking subsides. And then I stroke her hair the way my mother once did, and still does in my dreams. I won’t stop holding her until the storm is over, and I won’t stop telling her what she is dying to hear. “No matter what happens- I am not going anywhere.” I am not going anywhere.

"All the Buddhas of all the ages have been telling you a very simple fact: Be - don’t try to become. Within these two words, be and becoming, your whole life is contained. Being is enlightenment, becoming is ignorance."
- Osho

Living during this cycle of history comes with a unique set of challenges no previous generation faced. This is true in general, and it’s even more applicable during the amplified energetic cycles of 2012. 

The cycle that started last weekend - with a three-week Mercury retrograde and other discordant planetary aspects - is adding intensity to your interactions and activities. If you have felt more stress than normal, these erratic energetic cycles could be one factor. Mercury retrogrades happen every year, of course, but this year they are joined by a plethora of milestone energies that are catalyzing revolutionary changes across the planet and within each person. As you may have noticed, almost as soon as you assimilate one energetic level, the next one arrives! 

Tips for Navigating the Ever-Changing Landscape

Be mindful as you go about making plans, interacting with people, and starting new projects. Take extra care, as many things may not go according to plan. You don’t need to understand astrology to be impacted by cycles of harsh or erratic planetary aspects. Knowing a bit about energy shifts like those occurring now, however, helps you to be better prepared. With more awareness of cycles, you can more skillfully respond to the ups-and-downs of your own moods, other people’s erratic behavior, and the chaos that comes with sudden shifting and unknowns. 

Monitor your thoughts, catching yourself if you succumb to negative thinking and worry about what might happen next. Make the effort to stay positive. Remind yourself that you are experiencing a temporary fluctuation, and that the sun indeed shines just beyond the gloom-and-doom picture now appearing to be real. 

Develop more patience. Whatever level of patience you have developed to date is likely to be tested more now. Even if you are the most patient person on your block, you will have moments of angst when the world around you seems turned upside down. Some challenges you recently viewed as relatively minor, or at least manageable, may feel like a big deal now. They aren’t - not really - so remember to apply patience and a higher perspective. 

Everyone is impacted in your interconnected world. Discordant planetary aspects of this cycle are impacting humanity at large. This includes you and everyone you meet. You may be having a wonderful day, feeling inspired and confident about whatever is on your plate to handle. Other people, however, may be having a much different kind of day. An encounter with a stressed customer service representative can leave you out of sorts, unless you stay mindful of the bigger picture. Remember that not everyone is consciously awake. Also, even people with an awakened consciousness can have a bad day. Therefore, make the effort to be kind and allowing, teaching others through your own kindness a more gentle way to be.

Know yourself, know the territory. To successfully navigate the current radical cycles of energy affecting humanity, it’s helpful to understand how those cycles impact you personally. Having an awareness of your own planetary influences will help you know what times are likely to be challenging, why, and what remedies you can apply to smooth the ride. When you can apply antidotes in the moment when you are challenged, your life becomes more manageable. After all, you are a divine changemaker, learning to move into your true power to create. You are not a victim of circumstances - planetary or otherwise.

Self-inquiry during stressful moments is a powerful remedy. When you feel anxious, angry, or fearful, the first place you want to go is within. When others around you seem stressed, the first place you want to go is within. The answers you want are there, but they don’t come automatically - you must inquire. Only by cultivating your inner resource of wisdom can you respond in the highest way. When you access your inner wisdom, you save yourself needless heartache and missed opportunities. The more you cultivate this priceless tool, the more benefits you will receive - including a more peaceful way to respond to all kinds of situations.

Copyright 2012 by Selacia, Channel for The Council of 12 * All Rights Reserved *


DOITGIRL DIARY: “It’s What We’re Down Here For”


The path has been cleared for us to come into our higher selves. - we will continue to grow from there, but it’s  time. We are aligning with our hearts. We can hear and feel when we are not speaking or acting from our heart and when others speak we can hear when they are not aligned with their hearts— and also when they are. 

My friend has this wood nymph of a daughter, with long thin legs and a shiny sheet of silken blond hair, and she is the wisest and oldest of every room she floats into, at merely ten years old. She waits and watches patiently in shadows and corners before using her words.

Last night as I was leaving my friend’s house-the one with the mystical daughter— and telling her about something weighing on me, and in the middle of it all I said “so I’m miserable—”


"No you’re not," said the little girl. 

She had previously been so quiet, and she doesn’t take much room, a wisp of a thing, a long-gaited forest fairy.

I stopped and looked down at her and she stared right back at me, a wilted piece of pizza resting in her thin hand.

I was looking at her and I was thinking, I had just told myself and her mother how aligned I was beginning to feel, and look how I can’t even HEAR myself sometimes still, I throw words out so carelessly. I am still so unaware. What a low vibration it creates to throw out “I’m miserable.” How powerful it feels to say “I’m wonderful,” and how powerful, in the other direction, it is to say “I’m miserable.” How powerful our words are. There was a time when your word was everything— not your materials— your words. How true they are. I feel we are returning there. She is so wise and true, she heard the misalignment, the lie, immediately.

"You’re right," I said, smiling at her. "I’m not miserable- not at all." She shook her head, like, nope. " Thank you for saying that,
 I said. “The situation makes me frustrated but I love my life and I’m very happy.”

Then she smiled. satisfied, and nibbled on her pizza. 

Children come into this world aligned of heart and mind, saying what they truly mean. Only later do they learn they can’t always speak their heart and their mind. Only later do their words stop matching up with their heart, they stop believing anything is possible, they start feeling like they have to please. When did I stop? When did you stop? When did the words we say stop matching up with what we truly felt? If only we all had heart police-little ten year old sages-watching our every word. “That’s not what you meant. That didn’t come from your heart, I felt it.” 

When I was in high school I could get easy A’s in English on nearly everything I wrote, but I rarely ever meant what I wrote, I could just write beautiful fluffy things that sounded good. I was getting dangerously good at being what others wanted. Senior year I got back a paper I wrote on my mother’s death. I had been picking away at and dancing around how I really felt but I never made it to the marrow. I wanted to pretend I had all the answers. This was long before I knew “I don’t know” was the most authentic thing you could say. When the paper came back with an “A-” the teacher scribbled in red ink, “Beautiful… but did you really mean this?” Of course I went into defense mode and rallied my friends against the teacher, the way I once was,  this toxic “I’ll get you before you get me, how dare you, etc” mentalilty. But it hurt because it was true. 

She had seen right through me, it wasn’t how I really felt and the problem was I didn’t KNOW how I really felt. I was so lost and disconnected. I had gotten way too good at telling people what they wanted to hear. And I got away with it way too often. It was always what they thought of me not what I thought of myself. It was about impressing and pleasing. It was about if something was working for them, even if it wasn’t working for me. It amazes me now I once was good at small talk, I could work a room at a movie or fashion premiere or a backstage, easily, I was so good at bullshit. These scenarios petrify me now. The addiction to approval was a tragedy. I cant tell you how many times my fiancé asked me, “is that what you really meant?” and how frustrated we both were because I was so lost I didnt even KNOW. He could feel the disconnect between my heart and my words, that I was only saying what I thought he wanted to hear. To finally feel the alignment, truly now, today ,as if I am speaking directly from my heart, is what I am feeling deep deep gratitude for today. I’m wondering if you’re feeling this shift too, climbing into the new skin of your Highest Self as we move into the second half of 2012.

I’ve been realizing: Ask yourself what you fear and you shall know what you want.

And, oh yes: the old paradigm way of treating animals— if you don’t mind I might start using this space to point out whats old paradigm and whats new—

Old paradigm “Don’t worry so much, she’s JUST A DOG.” No, that’s Divine life, prana, just like you, a being who might not speak a written language but with whom you can COMMUNICATE VERY CLEARLY and have very loving honest loyal relationships. They have their language we have ours. We walk the earth with them, share the path, learn from them as they from us, we are all saving each other and walking each other home. They are here to love and to be themselves, just like you are here to love and to be yourself. I could go on forever about dogs as you know, but the old ways of accusing someone of caring too much for a creature— how primitive they will seem soon, and with all the evidence of how smart dolphins, cows, horses, dogs truly are…did you know that by communing with animals  you can clear your energy field? I have to stop myself or I’ll go on forever.

So in early spring my best friend gave me a necklace that was a pair of angel wings on red string. The idea is you make a wish, tie it on, and when it falls off that wish comes true. Well recently there has been a deep feeling of inauthenticity inside me when I wish for romantic love. Because I know that’s not the order of these things. The order is self love and foundation and a true understanding of WHO YOU ARE, then romantic love. Otherwise I am constantly building houses on sand and I am always repeating the same patterns. There’s something in me that falls apart for men, that gives it all away, that says “will you love me so I don’t have to” or SOMETHING. So I tied this necklace one night this spring under a flood of lights at a gas station, and I wished for LOVE, and it has yet to come off. And I thought it would never break. I joked to a friend who asked about it, “I am going to die single with this thing tied to my neck.” I even tugged on it a bit during my last quasi-relationship, to give it a boost. But it didn’t budge. 

So yesterday I had a moment, driving down-island after a quick but invigorating run with gracie out at Sepiessa Point, down the road my mother rented for us during her last summer ever, at a house where we could walk across the cool grass in the morning and slip into the mist-covered glassy waters of the pond. I was driving past the red granary galley in west tisbury when it came, “This is Home.” the message passed through me with a shudder of integration. “You really think so?” I asked with fragile hope, so tired recently of “rejection” and “failure.”

"Where else would it be," my higher self asked. "I don’t know," I thought, "Bolinas… Scotland…" "Yes Yes in the future maybe. But for now, this island is it. It is as mystical and magical as you can get right now. It is right for you. There are healers and farmers and artists and yogins. There are friends who show up for you and you them.You are barefoot in nature and never too far away from healing waters, your essence, the ocean. So Be here now. This is as close to home as you need, you have been called here and you are here now and that is that. Settle in. Be at home. This is your home." And then when I got to the house I took a phone call and as I talked I stood in front of the mirror for a second and unconsciously ran my hand along the string of my necklace— which then fell off in my hand. A wish had come true. And that maybe when I made that inauthentic wish, the gods heard the real one, beneath the one I thought the world wanted to hear, deep but buried in fear. Like the wood nypmh, they said, "That’s not what you meant," and gave me what my heart asked for, not my words.  

Ask yourself what you fear and you will know what you want.  

This whole story is all on my best friend’s voicemail, I left the whole yarn on her phone before nine am this Saturday morning. It is so freeing to have friends who love you in all the weird and freaky funny ways that you are. I write the way I talk and I talk the way I write. Once in a while I’ll be talking the way I do, a little out there, and she will say “Crunch!” [Like “You’re a total hippie”] but mostly she just really listens and thinks about what I say and really talks to me from her heart. She loves and respects me, the two essential ingredients for every healthy relationship. She calls me on my shit, she cares about my choices. 

Gracie told me something yesterday-you know how I always say “choose the experience?” Well for me that’s  a different choice every moment but you it, you know it when you are faced with it. Last night I had my phone  in front of me as well as  my sweet dog, and I felt the pull away from technology, toward the living. That’s choosing the experience, not the void, the numbness. And I put my phone down and I held Gracie instead.  

"This is good, thanks," she seemed to say. But then the real wisdom came: "It’s what we’re down here for, she said. To be with each other." 


Laurie Cabot Magic Whisper. Friday, July 20: Wear Copper. Love yourself before you are too needy of love.
DOITGIRL. Live the New Life
Song. ”Crazy Love.  Vol. II” Paul Simon 

Paul Simon - Crazy Love vol.IIPaul Simon - Crazy Love vol.II

DOITGIRL. If there was one message for NOW I would say I would say it’s “imagine a new life for yourself and start living it,” like Paulo Coehlo said. {Can You See it? I can see mine…} I have been aware of this year reaching its Tipping Point [ “The point at which a series of small ineffective changes acquires enough pressure or importance to cause a larger, more significant change.” …. “The point at which the buildup of minor incidents reaches a level that causes someone to do something they had formerly resisted.”]. Of monumental things happening BEHIND THE “SEENS.” Of letting the work take place on my soul by the universe, and offering myself up to be worked over for the highest good. Many many people have said “I feel like I have been given my opportunity for change, and that I should take it.” They mention windows opening for them to jump, breaks in the storm for them to run off the porch and head in the direction of a new improved life, the life they see for themselves in their dreams.- their true life. Kali has burned through what no longer serves us, made decisions we couldn’t, and freed us to live up to our highest potential. Seize this time. You are supported to make the BIG CHANGES.

After this month I’ve realized that the only thing to take seriously in life are your dreams. 

In the spring I sat in a doctor’s office for a check up, the woman walked in in her white coat and long brown hair and I heard myself blurt out, “I’m a witch,” and she said, “I know, so am I.” I interviewed a woman the other day in a cafe near the harbor, she came in in her khakis and black gap blouse and perfectly straightened blond hair and still I knew. She didnt have to look like me or some other wild women I know, so wild we could lay down in the forest and blend right in. Half way in, she told me. She was talking about how she felt during Wednesday’s thunderstorm, out in the rushing winds in her back yard. “The energy was amazing,” she said, her eyes lighting up. I can feel and sense a mystical heart now, I know it when they come into the room. A woman in tune with herself and mother nature, that’s a witch to me.

Come fall I pray I’ll have my reiki room set up. Come fall I pray I’ll have my own house up island where I all hear is breeze and ocean, where Gracie can run free and I can shower again outside as the rain falls. Where I can have friends come visit again and track their sandy feet across the wood floors and just stay for a week, til they feel better. I am grateful for the firestorms of July. I see now I can heal from losing something my heart once cried out for. I see now my chosen suffering and that I can choose peace and healing. The flick of the switch, the healing happens instantaneously and suddenly you just hear yourself singing again. Can you make everyone in the room feel love with your thoughts alone? Try it. Receive the benefits. I have been grateful again this week. I have seen what Love can do this week. I have seen truths that I could have let hurt me but instead I chose to let them heal me and move me forward. I have been carried. I can feel it. You know when you have extra wings around you, guiding you through. I talked to my little cousin this morning and she told me about the first time she knew my late mother was an angel, she remembers feeling like she was picked up and held, and she “knew it was Auntie Elizabeth.” I remember when I came home from the hospital after Mom died and just laid down on my bed and cried, when I disctinctly felt, and still, I can feel, as if I was picked up from where I laid and I was held, suspended in air. If only I had known then how real it really was.   

Who Told You You Had to See it to Believe It? Old Paradigm. 

Welcome to the New Paradigm, 

Where You have to FEEL It to Believe it. 

Are you taking steps toward your dreams or away from them? Are you burying a truth or a deciscion, do you feel its breath hot on your back? What is the obstacle? Face it and Lean into it. Stop calling them problems, try “puzzles.” Nothing you can’t handle. Nothing. I have seen your storms, I know what you have Survived. This is nothing. Move Forward. Cross the Threshold. Any backwards motion or regressive thought will feel sickly now, like decay. Choose Newness, resilence, growth, opening. Remember our choices at every moment. 


Remember self love is universal love. Always start with your heart to heal the world. So today for the good of the world, do something that makes you happy. Oh, please do it now and not “later.” Receive how good it feels to do something that brings you joy, unscheduled, without a “reason,” then put your hands into the earth and offer the world the love and peace you feel. 

Blessings to Colorado. 

"I could choose peace instead of this." — A Course in Miracles 



THE GREAT LAW - As you sow, so shall you reap. This is also known as the Law of Cause and Effect. Whatever we put out in the Universe is what comes back to us. If what we want is happiness, peace, friendship, love…Then we should BE happy, peaceful, loving, a friend. Negative energy sent out to others will come back to you 10 fold

THE LAW OF CREATION - Life doesn’t just HAPPEN, it requires our participation. We are one with the Universe both inside and out. Whatever surrounds us gives us clues to our inner state. BE and DO yourself what you want to have in your life.

THE LAW OF HUMILITY - What you refuse to accept, will continue for you. If what we see is an enemy, or someone with a character trait that we find to be negative, then we ourselves are not focused on a higher level of existence.

THE LAW OF GROWTH - Wherever you go, there you are. For us to GROW in Spirit it is WE who must change and not the people, places or things around us. The only given we have in our lives is OURSELVES, and that is the only factor we have control over. When we change who and what we are within our heart, our life changes too.

THE LAW OF RESPONSIBILITY - Whenever there is something wrong, there is something wrong in me. We mirror what surrounds us and what surrounds us mirrors us: we must take responsibility for what is in our life.

THE LAW OF CONNECTION - Even if something we do seems inconsequential, it is very important that it gets done as everything in the Universe is connected. Each step leads to the next step and so forth and so on. Someone must do the initial work to get a job done. Neither the first step nor the last are of greater significance-they were both needed to accomplish the task. Past, Present, Future…they are all connected…

THE LAW OF FOCUS - You can’t think of two things at the same time. You should climb up a ladder on step at a time. When you lose your focus you let in insecurities and anger.

THE LAW OF GIVING AND HOSPITALITY - If you believe something to be true, then sometime in your life you will be called upon to demonstrate that truth. Here is where we put what we SAY that we have learned into PRACTICE.

THE LAW OF HERE AND NOW - Looking back to examine what was prevents us from being totally in the HERE AND NOW. Old thoughts, old patterns of behavior, old dreams…Prevent us from having new ones.

THE LAW OF CHANGE - History repeats itself until we learn the lessons that we need to change our path.

THE LAW OF PATIENCE AND REWARD - All Rewards require initial toil. Rewards of lasting value require patient and persistent toil. True joy follows doing what we’re suppose to be doing, and waiting for the reward to come in it’s own time.

THE LAW OF SIGNIFICANCE AND INSPIRATION - You get back from something whatever you’ve put into it. The value of something is a direct result of the energy and intent that is put into it. Every personal contribution is also a contribution to the Whole. Lack luster contributions have no impact on the Whole or work to diminish it.
"Being smitten by a path, a direction, an intuited possibility, no matter the territory it crosses, we can feel as if life has found us at last […] Following this path through increasing levels of seriousness, we reach a certain threshold where our freedom to choose seems to disappear and is replaced by an understanding that we were made for the world in a very particular way and that this way of being is at bottom nonnegotiable. Like the mountain or the sky, it just is. It is as if we choose and choose until there is actually no choice at all […] the only question is whether you will respond, whether you will not turn away, whether you will turn toward it - whether, in effect, you will become a dedicated spirit."

David Whyte
"A crucial skill for minimizing emotional chaos and sustaining clarity in your life is the ability to distinguish between your experience and your interpretation of your experience. Your experience is simply whatever is happening in the moment-a sound, a taste, a bodily sensation, an emotion, any kind of interaction, etc. Your interpretation is your mind’s reaction to that experience. One way to understand this difference is to picture that when you are directly experiencing a moment of life, you are within it; when you are interpreting it, you are outside it."
Phillip Moffit

We’re quick to connect and relate with others this morning as Luna conjuncts communicative Mercury rx, and sextiles lovely Venus. Small trips, socializing, and conversations should be quite pleasurable. We also tend to enjoy the light that we are shining upon others as Moon struts through proud Leo, and while yesterday’s Cancer New Moon continues to vibrate powerful loving energy. Whatever you approach throughout your day; whether it be a positive place in your life, or an upsetting work or relationship situation… quietly smile and affirm ‘I am love’. 
"The antidote to misery is to stay present". Pema Chödrön. 
Tarot insight: Rise above an unpleasant attitude. 

Today’s DIG Diary: I am the Keeper of My Eternal Heart



laurie cabot magic whisper. Wednesday, July 18: Wear Black. Everything seems uphill. Think faerie and fly.
doitgirl whisper. to live is to fly
song. “To Live is to Fly” Townes Van Zandt
notable. New Moon in Cancer. 

Townes Van Zandt To Live is to FlyTownes Van Zandt To Live is to Fly

Thanks to Mercury in Retrograde I wrote — then lost— this whole post on how my suffering was all optional, and how deep inside I knew it.  I knew it these last two weeks even after I continued to choose to suffer. I kept choosing Suffer Road, Wrong Road, Old Paradigm Road and thinking something would be different (the defiinition of insanity) or that I would end up in a different place. [I Know This Old Road I Go Down. To think someone else or something outside of myself- their love or approval— could save me, I forget my own worth, my own love, my own power, I toss it away for the love or approval from another. And sometimes I’m lazy on my path, like, “will you do my work for me?”  Or sometimes, a lot, I sacrifice myself,  in this very unworthy way. ] That’s the problem anyway, i was thinking about all of it too much, stuck in my buzzing head, which was on fire with old, separate, defensive, finger-pointed -out not -pointed -in angry fiery energy. I’m happy to say this is a Cooling New Moon. I’m happy to say you will be supported as you move that  buzzing spitting bubbling enerrgy down to your God-like heart. Just like Mother Earth your heart is the great transformer. Move all the lies  & confusion from the head into the wise and ancient heart. I wrote about how as soon as I start to feel sadness about a sitatuation there is now a voice inside me that says “we can choose to trust this rupture and go gracefully” we don’t have to go all the way back down into the mud with this one.  We don’t “deserve” to hurt, we are just programmed to hurt. These ruptures and separations and being faced with all our old behavior patterns are all part of the transit. But then I punish myself through the old motions of suffering anyway. But we don’t have to lay down in mud and suffer anymore, the gates to freedom are unlocked and not only that, they’re swung wide open.  And I feel so deeply torn open when I am suffering- like a soul autoospy- a soul torn between two worlds, and that’s accurate, I believe, my soul is torn between Death and Life. It’s always the choice, just like Victim or Hero. The past is choosing death. The present is choosing life. Acceptance of our reality is our transformation. Chooseing between the illusion/lies and what Is. To choose not to suffer, to choose to tap on the heart and breathe and stay present and trust, to move through the fear and not run is to choose life, to say yes to constant evolution, for that’s what chanege is and Life is. So last night I got my heart whispered on a back porch in the breeze and I felt all these ghosts leaving my heart, walking out of it, single file. And then I drove home and they continued to walk out of my heart, little flumes of smoke and dust, clearing out and taking their gunk with them. And I drove home past an electric pink sunset and I went home and I sat down and I meditated. I have not given myself the time or attention to do this in weeks. I have been caught in the buzzing in my head, the drama, the story, the illusion, like banging my fists on the walls of my imagined prison. And last night was, even if five minutes, a highly educational meditation, I just went straight into the vortex. And I saw things I needed to see and I was grateful, and I was leaving I heard “Just Become Her Already,” and it was like someone reached a hand through my chest to grab my heart when I heard that because of course I Knew Exactly What They Meant. 

 Just Be Her Already. Let your Higher Self Out. Accept that this is all happening. That these messages of love are real and that you don’t have to suffer anymore and you dnt have to wear the old hats and clothes and behaviors of your old self. You can BE HER NOW, YOU can BE THAT WOMAN YOU BELIVE THAT YOU ARE. Belief is the most powerful tool we have as humans, belief transforms. You are your highest self. You are her now. You dont have to wait any longer to let your God self your Angel Heart out of its cage. There is no time to waste there never was. 
And now there is a thunderstorm rushing through the northeast tonight and its has cooled the air and it is flushing out the pain storms we’ve created these past two weeks and it is carrying it all away. You can stand in your truth while the winds howl. You are your highest self. Stop with the illusions. One of the biggest questions to ask yourself right now is What Do You Want. I for one have been tossing out the romantic dream of the partner and the child because it’s easy to say, not that I dont long for it— I am a starseed and I have always longed for earthly things, with my nose pressed against the glass of this life. But more than the romantic dream, because yes yes of course  I want the man and the child on the water, I am not worried about that, that will all come, I am made of love and I am always attracting love, but no the BIGGER DREAMS. The SOUL DREAMS. What does that mean to you?

I stirred up a lot of hearts when I talked about my pain in my break up, about that week I tried so desperately to revive the corpse of my biggest relationship, but I wanted to tell you, as I told someone the other day, that that pain, the kind of pain that swoops in and pulverizes, not the kind we choose— had that pain not happened, my heart would not have cracked wide open. [“The Wound is Where the Light Comes In,” Rumi] Now I am In My Heart and I Come from My Heart. It needed to get cracked wide open like an ancient mummy’s tomb, hardended from lifetimes of pain and sorrow. But here we are in this new paradigm with all our power, awareness, and choice. I am here to free myself. I am here to heal my wounds and heal my ancestors wounds. I am the Keeper of My Eternal Heart.  




Where do I live? If I had no address, as many people
do not, I could nevertheless say that I lived in the
same town as the lilies of the field, and the still
Spring, and all through the neighborhood now there are
strong men tending flowers.


Beauty without purpose is beauty without virtue. But
all beautiful things, inherently, have this function -
to excite the viewers toward sublime thought. Glory
to the world, that good teacher.
Among the swans there is none called the least, or
the greatest.


I believe in kindness. Also in mischief. Also in
singing, especially when singing is not necessarily
As for the body, it is solid and strong and curious
and full of detail; it wants to polish itself; it
wants to love another body; it is the only vessel in
the world that can hold, in a a mix of power and
sweetness: words, song, gesture, passion, ideas,
ingenuity, devotion, merriment, vanity, and virtue.


Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.
— Mary Oliver 

As Jupiter quincunx Pluto rx this morning, we can find ourselves struggling with issues between the heart and the truth. With Jupiter’s recent shift into Gemini, honesty would be a breath of fresh air, but inner conflict rises when it comes to sacrificing our comfort zone. And to stimulate movement with change in direction, Mars will oppose rebellious Uranus retrograde tonight. This particular energy is known for bizarre and unexpected happenings that invites intrigue, while in the same breath, causes major resistance. Anything can happen under this fiery ball of energy, so it may be safe for us to expect that minds will flip flop, which can cause last minute changes. We can experience the continuance of the storm, starting with 

last night’s Mars/Pluto rx storm, in order to create a brilliant version of reality.

Sure, we all have our own goals, but to connect, we must ALL be willing to meet each other halfway. This is explosive energy that is in the air, which can fuel us straight ahead, at top speed. Powerful vibrations can move us beyond current obstacles, creating new positive directions. If used improperly, we can overreact from high tension, causing separations, that lead us onto our own separate paths. Emotions can feel incredibly challenged under this delicate Cancer Moon, which strengthens our passion to flow with the current, flowing further than we ever imagined. What direction are you willing to fight for today? ”He who can burn with water, and wash with fire, makes a heaven out of earth and a precious earth out of heaven.”  Porta Dei Cieli. Tarot insight: You can’t control love.

Goddess Information for the NEW MOON. 

"Moon of Rest and Beginnings" 


Location: moon is 0 - 45 degrees ahead of the Sun It is in alignment, directly between the earth and the sun, therefore hidden. The New Moon is the only Time the eclipse of the sun can be seen.

Day of, to three and a half days later. The Moon’s un-illuminated side is facing the Earth. The Moon is not visible (except during a solar eclipse).

Positive activities:
A soothing time of rest and planning for new beginnings; new growth; love, the beginning of or renewing of; bringing things in; regeneration; give thanks. This is a time of new beginnings and new undertakings. It can be a starting point for kicking that bad habit, or simply beginning a project. Put ideas in motion, become engaged, make long term relationship plans. The waxing Moon is a time of spontaneous and instinctual action. This is a time when efforts will grow visible. Transitions may seem to be accepted more calmly than other phases. A time for hair cuts to promote growth, medical treatments or getting your moneys worth from that facial!!

Time to set new goals and review old ones for both the long and short term. Relates to the planting of the seeds.



About The Sign of Cancer


The zodiac sign of Cancer is the Cosmic Womb, Mother of all, the place of gestation and inner growth.  The constellation of Cancer is a nursery of galaxies. The creativity of Cancer is not limited to physical birth, however; the seeds Cancer gestates are creative seeds, the forms diverse and individual.  Cancer is associated with the waters of life, and its creativity lies in all aspects of life - biological, artistic, imaginative, practical, and mystical.  Cancer is our creative matrix: Cancer contains the powers of creation and destruction, life and death.  

The power of Cancer lies in the Moon, in its ability to give form and shape to the seeds of life. While the Sun symbolizes Consciousness, the Moon symbolizes the Unconscious, both our unconscious behavior patterns as well as the magical cauldron of the Collective Unconscious. The Moon’s light comes and goes, imaging the lunar consciousness of Feminine Spirit’s mystery and potential.  The Moon’s energy is related to our emotions, our intuitions and our need to nurture.  Like the tenacious Crab (watch out for her claws!), which is the symbol for Cancer, we tend to form strong emotional attachments to the things we create.  

Cancer can give rise to positive mother-love, the much-needed bond a child or a project needs to thrive; giving support to the child’s development, talents and goals.   But like the playful, shifting moonlight, pure light can turn to darkness if we hold on too long.  The mother needs to let go at the right time for her child to mature, or the child gets stuck in the negative Mother complex - the dark, devouring Mother who is never satisfied.  The Moon teaches us the rhythms of attachment and release, of ebb and flow.  The waters of the Earth, and of our bodies, dance to the rhythm of the Moon.   

Cancer New Moon


We know that a new Moon begins a new cycle of energy each month.  Every year, the Cancer new Moon offers us an opportunity to renew our emotional body.  And since the Moon is the ruler of Cancer, it makes this new Moon renewal doubly important.  When we understand our unconscious motivations, we can work with our feelings and choose our actions.  When we continue to ignore our emotions and instincts, our old behaviors deaden us, the inner ‘well’ runs dry and we’re stuck going round and round the same place, the same issues, the same feelings. When we don’t acknowledge and take care of our emotional body, it’s not as easy to activate new energy each month.  In the first instance, we are being empowered by the positive mother-complex.  In the second, we are caught in the negative-mother complex.  This new Moon wants us to embody our feelings and learn to work with them.  Then on the following new Moons we can get on to new business.

Cancer is an action-oriented water sign, picking up not only on our own feelings, but the feelings of people around us.  Cancer pushes us to do something about those feelings, helping us stay creative, fluid and mobile, adapting to the situation.   Cancer symbolizes the Mother, and it is Mom who nurtures our original emotional body.   Moms have to go with the flow and be attuned to our child’s needs and emotions, and when a person has strong Cancer influences in their chart, they too develop the ‘mom antenna’ that lets them know exactly what’s going on beneath the surface.  The trick with Cancer is to know when to do something about it and when to hold back and give silent support.

When we accept the ‘positive mother’ we actually like ourselves and our values, especially if they contribute to the whole community.  We don’t compare ourselves to some cultural stereotype of who we should be, and we certainly don’t give more value to other people’s opinions than to our own original thoughts and ideas.  

We learn about who we are by what we value - truth, honesty, integrity, beauty, grace, kindness, compassion.  Walt Whitman’s advice is pertinent now, as we work on the desperately needed transitions our society has to make.  Each of us, working together, can create a new way of living on our great Mother, the Earth.  But we have to have values that we’re willing to stand up for. Cancer urges us believe in ourselves, trust ourselves and work to create a better life for all of us.


The Sabian symbol for the Sun and Moon at 27* Cancer is:  A violent storm in a canyon filled with expensive homes.   This symbol refers to a confrontation between our social norms and Nature.   This kind of intense energy can destroy superficial, materialistic world-views which are out of alignment with Nature.   And it reminds us that as we face the karmic crisis of a depleted environment and a soul-less society, we have to change our values - or rather, begin to live by those values we say we believe in.   Our expensive houses and comfortable way of life will do us no good unless we work with Nature, and our own human nature, not against her.

This Cancer new Moon is challenged by Saturn in Libra, asking us to take others into consideration when we decide what we need and what we value.  Which relationships are nurturing to you?  Which relationships aren’t?  This Cancer new Moon is a great time to meditate and be alone with yourself.  First learn to mother yourself, because that’s how we learn to know what we need.  Once we understand our own emotional needs, we can tune into others without projecting our needs onto them.  And like a great mom, we can actually listen to their emotional bodies and understand just what kind of help and support they need.   

Other Astrological Influences

Venus at 16* Gemini: A woman activist in an emotional speech dramatizing her cause.  This symbol speaks to the passion we feel about any deep experience of life.  We naturally want to share it.   On this new Moon, Venus has moved back to the degree where she visibly joined the Sun on June 5th.  Her energy will help us discover what it is we love and value. What we’re passionate about.  Passion wants to be shared.    

Venus, Jupiter, Uranus and Mercury play together, generating interesting and innovative ideas to plant and nurture.  Both Uranus and Mercury just went retrograde, taking you deep within for answers.  Those new ideas will help us deal creatively with the Uranus/Pluto square. 

Mars steps in to become part of the Pluto/Uranus square at the new Moon.  These three strong energies are clashing and so they can represent that ‘violent storm’ in the new Moon’s sabian symbol.  It’s a good time to be aware of what’s going on around you.

The Sabian symbol for Mars at 9*Libra is: Three ‘old masters’ hanging on a wall of a special room in an art gallery.  This symbol refers to’ the need to return to the source during a confused search for new value in a chaotic society.’ (Dane Rudhyar: An Astrological Mandala)  This symbol speaks to the need to identity oneself with one’s archetypal essence - which Uranus in Aries is also trying to wake us up to.  We need to go back to the patterns of life which our culture has ignored to our detriment.  So step into your archetypal ‘master’ and learn to act as if you’re the hero/ine of your own life.

Uranus is still at 9*Aries: A crystal gazer.  And Pluto is at 8*Capricorn: An angel carrying a harp.  All good indications that we can proceed in a positive manner, despite the intensity of energies being generated.  But for a positive outcome to any situation, you need to be aware of your feelings, your instincts and your values.

Mars in Libra seeks balance, but with Pluto in Capricorn challenging it and Uranus in Aries activating it, we all need to remember to breathe.   Mars and Pluto have similar energies; both deal with will, power and passion (again!).  Mars deals with more personal desires while Pluto speaks to evolutionary imperatives.  Both can be ruthless and domineering, while Uranus can add the spark that sets the fire.  So watch what you say and do and become a peaceful warrior with everyone you meet.  Thankfully, Mars and Venus are in a good relationship, so think (both planets are in air signs) positive thoughts in the midst of stress and act on those peaceful, passionate beliefs with all the charm and graciousness you can muster.


Today’s DIG Diary: You’re Fine Too

DOITGIRL. I’m fine, so don’t worry. You’re fine, too. So don’t worry either. Worry didn’t ever get us anywhere. Stillness, nature, soul-feedings, beautiful patient and grateful pauses until we are re- sourced with proactive and love-filled action, that gets us somewhere. Worry is fear pretending to be of use. I write about that pain to get it out, otherwise it festers like tumors we hide inside, by putting my insides on the outsides I let the light rush over the dark, shadows never stood a chance against the light. So THIS IS WHAT IT IS, I say. And I Look At It. And when I look at it it’s not looming under my bed or in my closet like a boogeyman. I take it out and I see it and I say, this is really not so bad. I can do this. In fact, if this obstacle is lying in my path right now, like Joanne of Arc said, “I was born to do this.” Yes there are obstacles and challenges, and it is for me easy to feel shame when they are the same repeated problems, the ones that don;’t go away until you have learned and healed the lesson. When I am sourced I just let Mother Gaia take it away. I just dig my bare feet deeply into the earth and say “Thank You Thank You,” I know she is the great transformer, the great alchemist of dark to light pain to love. Sometimes we lose our connection to Source, and that is nothign to be afraid of, that is just More Information. The path is never far away. We are not being punished. We are not here to suffer. We are only here to come home and to walk each other home. But we have to accept our reality before we can change it. I write so you don’t think your pain is weird, terrifying or going to win. Take your pain out into the Light. Free Yourself to Free Your Sisters. Please don’t be worried, as some of you have written, about this last bump in the Love Road. I’m not. I only wrote to tell you about it. My heart is not broken, I’m not in shambles, hardly. It’s other things that I’m faced with now, as we all are. It’s not love I am worried about, for I am made of Love and there is no shortage. I just became aware of the old patterns, that’s what I was addressing. I was addressing that I returned to that house in Venice in some form, I returned to that tomb of love and picked and prodded at a corpse. That’s somethign I do. I’m aware— I ALSO choose to focus on the one person who doesnt love me, when I have so so so much abundance of love. I turn my back to a world of love to chase one dying star. I fall into the black that way, I lose my way home a bit, chasing after that one star with ego and clutching, when a sea of stars is calling out with Love behind me. [Stop chasing. Turn around and come home to Love.] More on that later, I’m headed to see a Healer. Healers need Healing too, don’t forget. I’m not worried, the internal brushfire is just raging. I’m clearing out for new and better. Always always always let nature take its course. I know that when everything is working on the inside everything works on the outside. I know our mind creates our world. I’m just seeing now, as clearly as I can, the reflections of the insides on the outside. I am not quite yet sure of my worth. This is a hard thing to say but I am taking it out of the closet and I am looking at it. When I don’t love myself in my entirety, I will not be loved, and I cannot love fully. I see that I’m in a tiny room with no A/C in the heat of summer, far from my ocean I loved to walk to every morning. I see that I’m still broke, while I promised myself I would start saying yes to making money. Do I not deserve to be comfortable, well taken care of? When I write, write, write for free, the resentment builds. I’m starving (not literally— but for more, way more for myself and that I am only starting to truly realize) but I’m only putting out and I am not putting in. So stuff has to change. And I’ve been given an opportunity for change, like a break in the waves during the storm. Take it. Take the opportunity to Change. We are so tight and closed off not to change, but we are in the shake up now.  It’s easier if you allow it. Rise to it. This is your Great Moment. This struggle is your trigger it is time to rise and change. It is always my root chakra, that safety and foundation chakra, that cries out for me. My sense of home, belonging, and safety. Nothing can build and stretch safely to the sky without a foundation. I no longer wish to float about like a wind-blown weed. I wish to be a tree, rooted, pumping out love for ever more. That’s all I need. And that is what I shall have. 

Many Blessings, 



Today’s DIG Diary: What Did I Ever Come Here For

Brandi Carlile - What Did I Ever Come Here ForBrandi Carlile - What Did I Ever Come Here For

Laurie Cabot Magic Whisper. Monday, July 16: Wear: Burgundy. Accept your duty. Carry a moon stone.
DOITGIRL Whisper. Don’t come to the party without your self love. 
Song. "What Did I Ever Come Here For?" Brandi Carlile
DOITGIRL. When my fiance told me he was leaving me I begged, begged, begged him to stay. Hands and knees, convulsive sobbing, suicidal threats, the whole bit. I hadnt had real pride - not “proud” pride, but WORTH pride, respect for myself since we moved to LA two years prior. Someone once said all humans desperarely want is respect. I agree with this, but I’d say love comes first on the list. Love, then respect. love and respect for oneself and love and respect for others. Essential ingredients for a healthy relationship. I did not want to or know how to live without him, but by the end of our story I had nothing left of myself. I inflicted pain on myself, shoving it down in a highly unsustainable manner- i polluted my body and soul how people pollute the earth and think “maybe I’ll die before I have to deal with all this mess, before I have to face all these problems.” And he did stay for a bit, for a week or so he gave in a little, we actually spent a week house sitting in Venice. It was one of the saddest weeks of my life in this borrowed house in the baking heat of the last week of August in Southern California. It felt like a week-long wake for our dead relationship, it was already in the coffin but we visited it and remembered it before we buried it for good- well, before he buried it for good. Most people, when they heard about him leaving me before the wedding, after he called me from tour to say it wasn’t going to happen, they said a lot of things like “I would jump off a bridge if someone did that to me.” A lot of that. And one person noticed my drastic weight loss and said, “I wouldnt mind getting left before my wedding if I could lose ten pounds in a week.” Very helpful consolations. And because I never sought in, and only sought out, these careless comments of others always sent me careening. And careening always meant more red wine and more pills. Anyway, that last week of ours in this borrowed house, I would do about ten minutes of work during the day and the rest I’d spend in vain trying to make my fiance love me again. One sweet reader and wrote in that those seals I saw on the beach - the living one desperately trying to reawken the dead one- reminded her of when one person fights for love when it’s already died for the other. I can still feel the death in my soul from that time, the stripping of it, the hoplesslness, I can see it like those black crippled shadows of souls that rise up in paintings of the Inferno. To still love someone with a burning passion and have him walk away as cool as ice is the closest I’ve ever felt to being buried alive. To be so in love with him while he had already left in spirit was waking agony. He could hold me casually while I sobbed about us, and he’d be doing things one-handed— a crossword puzzle, sending texts— while his other hand rested on my back. I would have done anything just tohave him near. That week in Venice we easily slipped into our old routine despite what was happening, at night we’d watch movies with wine or go to mexican restaurants, just like our old life, then we’d come home and make love and I’d go to sleep with some hope in my heart. In the morning he’d end it with me all over again, each time I’d cry and beg, and he’d tell me that when the week was up he really was leaving me for good, sometimes he would tell me he “couldn’t wait” to leave me, that he was only staying this last week with me to ease the pain, although, looking back, we prolonged, deepened, and twisted this pain, we thrashed about in the wound. It was like he already drove over me with his car to leave, and I called out, “Wait! Don’t leave me… will you just come back and continually back over me again and again in the driveway?” When I think of Venice, it is hard not to remember that deathly time in that house, a place we’d thought of as dream house when we took the gig- we had been psyched. It had a pool, a hot tub, dogs, turtles and a chinchilla, two writing rooms. But that place became a tomb. At one point he told me it was good he was leaving me when he did, because “I was still young enough and attractive enough to find someone else,” and I remember looking up in the hall mirror of that house and seeing a person I had absolutely no connection to or understanding of, this dying soul with fading, bloated, dilapidated outside appearance (my jaw was so misaligned as the relationship fell apart) , looking ten years older than she was with dead eyes from xanax, feeling used up and empty and panicked that my outsides were the only thing worth anything to anyone by that point and that I didn’t even have those anymore. So worthless. I subjected myself to being broken up with for days, I listened to everything that was wrong with me- I ASKED HIM TO TELL ME— and how much I had failed him, then we would go to a bowling alley and we would laugh and play like everything was fine- we always had great chemistry to the very end— something I’ve had to search for with more recent relationships— so illusive—like magic— and the hope would rise and be killed again. Another day he told me it was good he was leaving me when he did, because “he would just divorce me right after our wedding anyway.” A lot of people echoed him like this, but it never consoled me- I was desperate enough to just ache for those few more months with him. Even if the time was doomed, I wanted it. And I thought if he could laugh with me at dinner and tell me he loved me, all things he did, and make jokes in the movie store and touch me like that that maybe he would remember. Just maybe he would remember, or he was remembering and we were saved. These crumbs of hope I find myself begging for with romantic love, this is a pattern. Starving but staying. Being so wrong about romantic love is hard for me. It makes me wonder if I can trust my heart, my choices. Makes me think I’m only here to write and not love intimately. I’m talking about Venice because Saturday I regressed a bit- I saw the last guy I dated— I guess I just thought things would be “different”— and in his car it felt like that tomb of a house, where everything was hopeless, suddenly strangers fighting for totally opposite things, neither making sense to the other, the rhythm and chemistry gone, working against each other instead of with and for, the conversation about the dead relationship just repeating itself in nauseating circles. At one point, I even asked what he didn’t like about me, and I felt like Emily Mortimer’s character in Lovely & Amazing, when she’s asking her lover to tell her everything he doesnt like about her body, she’s standing naked in front of the bed just taking the criticism and thanking him for it. Luckily I stopped him before he could tell me, because he already has. A million times. Some of my family asked me if I would leave the island because I got hurt again. Definitely, definitely not. In fact it never occured to me. Even he mentioned it to me a while ago, like “if this goes south, I don’t want you to run away again. I don’t want you to hate the island because of me.” But I’m not running. This is an indication of my growth, that I love this Island and I never thought to leave. I’m not leaving, I can feel myself being with it, while also being lost in Maya, as I have been since July hit, with all this Fiery desrtcutive Pitta energy. I know I am suffering with old paradigm illusions and not in rightful peace. I know what it feels like to be at peace, not torn between the two paradigms. And I am still finding myself so often not coming from love, coming from a defensive fearful place. Many astrologers say we are in the heat of the brushfire for the new ascended life, and I feel this. To keep cool minded and cool bodied and hang on. But I know I’m not too far from home, because I have been there so recently. Friday before I saw him again I was feeling so close to home, re-sourced, re-connected, re-aligned. I was remembering how partnerships are deep reflections of ourselves and so, these are things we should really ask ourselves, if he is not cherishing and respecting of you, well what sort of job of that are you doing for yourself? He doesn’t trust you? Do you totally trust yourself? He doesnt defend you? Do you defend yourself? he doesnt have time for you? Well are you giving yourself any real time? [A beloved yogini friend said the other day “I am worthy of takign time for myself, I give myself the attention my soul asks for”] He doesn’t go out of his way for you? He doesn’t listen to you? He doesn’t want the best for you? Do you do any of these things, 100% for yourself to the best of your ability? I mean I could go on… but I remember, speaking of my fiance, he sang this song about me, it went something like “how could you take what you couldn’t give?” I would demand so much love and respect when I wasn’t giving it to myself— I sought out. I was always SEEKING OUT. [STOP SEEKING OUT KEEP SEEKING IN]. And when I wasn’t giving it to myself, I wasn’t giving it to him. No separation. We are never separate from the whole and absolutely everything you are seeing on the outside is a reflection of the inside. 

And I keep returnign to the idea of mental choices as the flick of a switch and the step onto a new path. And what that mental choice is for me usually, besides when I am ruminating and say “I have no idea how that is going to turn out,” and then I release all the images and outcomes I’m hurting myself with. My other choice always comes down to VICTIM OR HERO. To be clear not the dualistic “Winner or Loser” just that I take the highest path, I move through my fear in the situation, I move from love and courage. For the good of the self and therefore the good of the whole. With every challenge I now hear inside “And now I am faced with a choice, am I the victim or am I the Hero.” Am I a victim of my fear or am I a warrior of Love.

And when my fire and anger and defensiveness and “SEPARATENESS” are at work, when I am swimming in the illusion of separation like I have been, I don’t have to let these negative thoughts attach to me and I can just recognize and not attach, the way people slip past each other at a party. They just let each other sail past, and don’t stop and get involved. This is what I do with these ego tricks, when I am aware enough to catch them. 

Oh and remember when I passed that beautiful man in the car and he knowingly flashed me that peace sign, I felt like we had a soul conversation, like he said “Hey Sister, are you down with the LOVE MOVEMENT.” 
And it was like my soul said, “Oh yes brother I AM. SELF LOVE = UNIVERSAL LOVE. I am totally down with love.” And I totally one hundred percent am. Because when I am working from love, that’s when it all falls in place. But it’s all back up in the air now. And I’ve got to ground in love for everything to fall back in place. So I’m down with love, totally. But maybe I’ll put romantic love on the back burner for a bit, to clean and heal the self for the whole. 

Peace & Love, 



"The way to maintain one’s connection to the wild is to ask yourself what it is that you want. This is the sorting of the seed from the dirt. One of the most important discriminations we can make in this matter is the difference between things that beckon to us and things that call from our souls.

Nowhere can this be seen more clearly than in the choice of mates and lovers. A lover cannot be chosen a la smorgasbord. A lover has to be chosen from soul-craving. To choose just because something mouthwatering stands before you will never satisfy the hunger of the soul-self. And that is what the intuition is for; it is the direct messenger of the soul.” 

- Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With The Wolves



The cosmic weather is kind to us today; her friendly skies enhancing our interest to take small trips, to socialize with neighbors and friends, while seeking positive information to match our mood. New advice is liable to come our way, which can pay off nicely, and help us to avoid bumpy roads in our journey ahead. Later this evening, we yearn for the comforts of home, mostly for the purpose of replenishing what we’ve share with others throughout our day. ’Parents have little time for their children and their spouse. The home begins the disruption of the peace of the world’. Mother Teresa. Tarot Insight: As we share love and respect with loved ones, we receive love and respect in return.

Suzi Dronzek 



Laurie Cabot Magic Whisper.  Thursday, July 12: Wear Black. Draw in all the majick you can. Light a green candle.
SONG. "I Wont’ Give Up" Jason Mraz
Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up [Official Music Video]Jason Mraz - I Won’t Give Up [Official Music Video] 
DOITGIRL. The sexiest thing happened to me the other day. I was driving in traffic on this Island which, let me tell you summer traffic is a true test of patience and inner calm. This is the work, that the storm bellows on the outside, but peace hums tranquilly on the inside. All is always well. I will always have enough. [I closed my eyes recently and my inner self leaped excitedly that I had come home, if only for a minute. Like a loyal loving anahata dog waiting for me everytime I choose to Come Home, it embraced me wholly and it said “Hey, before you go again, cuz I know youre so restless recently—you never stay here long enogh— but I wanted to tell you— YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE ENOUGH. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE TAKEN CARE OF. ALWAYS ALWAYS.”] Whatever lays before me is uniquely-tailored challenge served up just for me on my personal path. If it’s front of me, it’s for a reason, I have attracted it, created it, played a role. The only way around is through. so anyway. driving down island here mid-summer means near-miss accidents, yelling, honking, snaking along at a snail’s pace. I usually just let people in in front of me, i go totally zen, crank up the music, breathe and release. it’s the only way for me. Im not an aggressive defensive driver. im not an aggressive, defensive person, unless my ego is at work. 


So I let this guy cut in front of me, and what does he do, he sails up right to my driver window, and he looks, like deeply into my eyes, and that’s ok because he had these big brown suck-you-in eyes, he was an all around beaming, awake, beautiful person with a head of rich brown curls, and then, and then and then and then, he gives me this lingering, intentional PEACE SIGN. I melted. I threw one up in return, and we smiled a knowing smile at each other, and my soul said, “Thank You Brother,” and he nodded at me, then he was off in front of me. I blushed like we’d shared a peaceful kiss in calamtious public. This is a new earth interaction, this is an Aquarian Age interaction. I am done with COOL. YOU CAN HAVE YOUR COOL. Our COOL, NOT CARING, AMBIVALENT , OVER IT, ITS SOMEONE ELSES PROBLEM ITS NOT MY FAULT, THE WORLD SUCKS.. UGH… all of that got us into this neglectful, ignorant, massively sick society, sleepwalking mess. CARE. then care some more. THEN KEEP CARING. Pay attention. See outside your chosen suffering, see outside the illusion, wake up and care. Everyone needs help so do you. Helping others IS helping yourself. Your joy my joy your pain my pain. Is it dated? The Peace Sign? That’s our too cool affected attitude talking. Who cares. PEACE. The sexiest sign in the world. Pass it on, keep flashing it at people until their heart melts then they’re flashing it at everyone else. For the sweet men who read this, lemme tell you it is SO HOT. A man who is not afraid of Love. of showing it or receiving it. Please take your “too cool,” your bored, your aloof, your “over it,” your closed heart and sell it somewhere else. [SELL YOUR CLEVERNESS BUY BEWILDERMENT: RUMI] This is why the Divine Feminine is waking up in men. This is why women and men are balancing their masculine and feminine energies. COMPASSION and KINDNESS IS SO SEXY. 

I’m a lot how I am in traffic how I am on the airplane when we’re de-boarding. Unless i have some insane 4-minute connection, I stand there and wait until everyone gets off, I don’t see the need to bulldoze everyone- including the elderly and children- to get off a plane four minutes faster. I was waiting as everyone frantically de-planed in Omaha, when a man in an expensive, beautifully-cut suit and BEAUTIFUL shoes stopped where I was. I always notice shoes:) They were gorgeous, not the kind that would blend in at a bowling alley. Italian head-turners. He had a real eye for beauty. He sees that Im just standing there, chilling, waiting, and he paused, stopping he people behind him, with a cool, laid-back manner. 
"Can I help you find your bags?" he asked in a southern drawl {the stewardess, in her frantic hurry, had thrown ours into different overheads}. 
"Sure," I smiled.
"Lemme guess which ones they are," and he laughed, as he — correctly— pulled down my leather fringe bag then one of my Aunt Lisa’s, black with golden stars and moons all over it. 
He looked me in the eyes again as he passed my bags to me and said “I like a woman with soul.” Then he smiled big, and let me in front of him, and everyone moved along. We smiled as he left the airport, that was all it was. This was his peaceful offering to another human. He didn’t have to “look like a hippie” to be full of love in his heart. He didnt play it cool, he played it caring, and it worked. It was major, major mojo. These are definitely the two sexiest interactions I’ve had in the last two weeks. He, men like him, dont think it’s “too late to change.” They dont just sit back and crank up the ac and pop open the beer and turn on the TV and say “the planets fucked what can i do about it. anyway it’s blank blank and blanks fault.” IF I HEAR THIS ONE MORE TIME……I still cant believe, looking back, I was in a “relationship” that didnt SEEK THE HIGHEST and WANT THE BEST. I live cranked up to 11. Im on full blast. I did the in-betweens for years. Im not seeking anything resembling an average life or anyone else’s life for that matter. I dont “know” my path. Im creating it with each step. LEANING INTO IT. TAKING THAT FIRST STEP MAKING THAT FIRST MOVE. Creation. And I’m grateful for these men with their open hearts and their peaceful gestures- I’m so psyched to know they are out there. They seem so at peace with themselves. They pass it on. 

It’s not crazy to want to save the world, it’s CRAZY TO NOT TO. Show Your Passion. Let Your Freak Flag fly until everyone’s is, and then the minority are those CRAZY PEOPLE WHO DONT CARE. I think people are crazy when they dont care about this life and everyone and everything in it. THATS INSANE. Dont give up. Fight to heal yourself so you can heal the world. Open up and let your channel flow. You have a sacred river of love and light in you, coursing constantly. We choose to block it when we HOLD ON. This is your Prana, your Divine Life, that everyone and everything is made of. You were only meant to rise and you were only meant to flow. Let Life TAKE OVER. let it give you your ultimate, highest experience. It wants to REALLY TAKE YOU PLACES. Your ego is so scared of change. Your ego is so scared of your light. Your ego is so scared of your freedom. Yet these are your natural states—You are love, you are light, you are Free. This is all your choice. ANYTHING else is an illusion. Come back home to the present, the only place where you will find your life.
Peace and Love, 
"Really get in touch with what you believe. Your belief in something is the magic spark needed to make it real. You can believe things won’t work out and they won’t. You can believe that abundance is your birthright and you will be proved correct. Identify the beliefs that you have that are holding you back and day by day replace them with beliefs that push your forward. Over time, having faith and taking action on your belief will bring around the life you have believed in. The key is to have the faith that your belief is growing and to clear out all the weeds that prevent it’s growth. Keep the faith, your Heart never lies." _ JACKSON KIDDARD 
"Today I affirm that there is nothing in me but love. This love comes from total acceptance of myself and the understanding that I am a perfectly imperfect human being. I will walk through today and allow myself to fully express my perfection. I realize that all my "faults" are actually the Universe’s unique way of expressing itself through me. I let go of self judgment and any projected judgments of others that I have chosen to believe and finally allow myself to just be what I truly am: infinite. As this is true for me, so it is true for all other beings on the planet. I will choose to accept everyone in my life with the same radical acceptance I have for myself knowing that we are all perfectly imperfect human beings simply doing the best we can." - JACKSON KIDDARD

"This is when the magic happens: right when you feel like everything is going wrong, shift your attitude to accept that it’s actually going right. Our judgments of how we think our life should be are preventing us from reaching our Highest Potential. If you’re going through a storm, hold the belief that it’s the perfect storm for you to be going through and that you’ve been given everything you need to weather the storm. When the chaos subsides you will experience the Truth that is forever true; you are always taken care of, exactly where you need to be and your efforts are rewarded exactly when they need to be. Remember this Truth the next time a storm is on the horizon and you will grow wings and be able fly right over it and towards the calm waters of Trust and Love."  -JACKSON KIDDARD 

STARCANA COSMIC DIRT. Suzi Cavallo Dronzek. 
With the Moon in earthy Taurus, we should notice our sensitivities slowing down considerably. We are less excitable, and not as moved. There’s also a serious tone to our mood, as we ground and become more aware of what is real, and what isn’t. Work, home, and family are our main concerns under the Taurus Moon, and sometimes it’s in that order. We won’t mind working ourselves to the bone today, as we’re romanced by pleasurable benefits as Luna generously trines dreamy Neptune and sexy Pluto. By nightfall, logic begins to knock on our door, which causes us worry about our day as Luna squares Mercury. As Uranus and Mercury both get ready to station retrograde, expect funkiness with communications, vehicles, appliances, computers, phones, mechanical products, and technology. Time to Back up/Repair. Read my personal song interpretation from The Black Crowe’s, with relation to the major arcana tarot card ‘Temperance’ on the MelissaTarot blog. 
"It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business"  Mahatma Gandhi. 
Intuitive insight: Adapt to your weaknesses, to learn from them.

Today’s DIG Diary: Setting Him Free

Laurie Cabot Magic Whisper. Thursday, July 5: Wear Turqoise. The moon is helping your majick. Use it. 
DOITGIRL Whisper. Come Home 
Song. “Say” John Mayer

John Mayer - SayJohn Mayer - Say

DOITGIRL. I finally ended a limbo relationship I’ve been in for months, one I’d been lying to myself- so in a way- you- about how unsatisfying it was, how much happiness I was conceding. I let myself fall into all the old patterns. It was partially that addiction I was talking about, this strange addictive behavior I have to taking less, because I cling to the shore and I can’t let go of someone. I am so afraid of what is around the bend or worse- if there is nothing around the bend. These old ways I resurrected, that I called, months ago- when I was feeling good, when I was feeling like myself— “old paradigm relationship behavior patterns.” This, I hope, has been a huge learning curve for me. I think I thought that because I was on my spiritual path that I wouldn’t do all the things I used to do— “because now I know better.” But I’ve learned that just because I KNOW doesn’t mean I always apply. It wasn’t his fault, really, I own all the behavior. I knew he came into my life for a reason and I always had the inkling it would be as more of a teacher- and I did learn, once again. I stopped caring for myself in the relationship, sticking up for myself, voicing myself, loving myself. By the end I was not myself at all. It’s what I’ve done for my last three relationships- I ditch me. It’s totally unsustainable relationship behavior. Love is like a picnic, both sides have to always be bringing something to the table. Like two sticks leaning on each other, if one weakens, the other falls. But it wasn’t all my fault either. This morning at the beach I saw a seagull drop a floundering fish a few feet down the shore from us. Before I knew what I was doing I was letting Grace off the leash to scare the bird, who dropped the fish and flew away. I ran up to the fish— flopping and gasping— and I picked it up - he was slippery and slimy but really cute— and took him back into the water. He swam away, but moments later he swam back by my feet— maybe as if to say thank you for being Let Go, then he swam away for good. I knew what the Universe was doing, for I hadn’t even planned on going to the beach that morning, I remembered as I was passing it that I’d left my flipflops the day before. I was only going to go to the pond, but then as it always does, the ocean called me. I ran onto the beach with gracie and we just kept running right to where that seagull dropped that fish. And I knew, for the last few months that I have been that pathetic fish— gasping for breath (love) and floundering in limbo- partially in and partially out. I’ve been hanging on his hook, suffering. Floudering, making mistakes, attracting accidents the whole way, I’ve been feeling like I was “cut off from my Divinity,” like the fish from water, but all that means is I was cut off from myself, because the self is Divine. I was wondering why random men were yelling at me all over the Island- remember how I said that? - because I was giving off such a low vibration from how unsatisfied/blocked/unaligned/not breathing I was feeling by not saying what or how I really felt— that of course I was attracting back a negative vibration. Anyway, I threw that fish back in the water. He was bleeding a little bit, slightly wounded- but at least now he’s free and he has another chance and he’s BACK IN THE FLOW. I knew I wasn’t myself anymore, stuck in a negative cycle, finally, two nights ago, the minute I heard myself saying to him I wanted to change- for him or for me I had momentarily forgotten. That’s when I knew I wasn’t myself anymore— Because I don’t want to change. I just want to undress from those unhealthy behaviors, forgive them, forgive myself, forgive him, and return home to myself. I just want to be me again.

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